What makes you a "Horrible" dad???

[InDaShop]

Lets learn from each others mistakes.



Two weeks ago, I forgot West's lunch for school. He doesnt get the school lunch everyday, I just looked at the wrong date on the calendar and didnt make him one. The school called me, and luckily they had an extra so they fed him. Talk about feeling like a bad father.

Then yesterday morning I drop him off at school, and his teachers ask if he's doing "Splash Day"? I'm like "yeah, of course", I think Splash Day is thrusday and its only wednesday. WRONG!!! So luckily he had an extra pair of shorts at the school that he could wear but he didnt have his swim trunks, a towel, or sunscreen.
Jeeze, I'm banging it up lately.




Then I had just read this on CNN on Tuesday.
9 things you shouldn't say to your child
http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/07/12/dont.say.to.child.p/index.html?hpt=li_c2

-'Leave me alone!'
-'You're so...'
-'Don't cry'
-'Why can't you be more like your .....?'
-'You know better than that!'
-'Stop or I'll give you something to cry about!'
-'Wait till daddy gets home!'
-'Hurry up!'
-'Great job!" or "Good girl!'

Come on I have said all of those things in one way shape or form. I know I'm not going to mess him up, or even mess Parker up, but they sure make you feel bad/guilty/poor parent when you botch something up on them.

 

[patooyee]

I don't put too much faith in the "experts." (CNN in your case.) My family was very different than most growing up. I don't know how many of the things that "experts" say not to do was done by my parents, if any. I just remember how different our family was than others. Now I look back at the adults that were developed by some of the other "ideal" families and laugh. (Prison, murdered, suicide, drugs, losers, etc.) I feel like my brother and I turned out better than about 90% of those others and that would make sense since our family was different than about 90% of the others.

Do what works for you and your family. Only you know how you want your kids to turn out and how they'll best respond to stimuli to achieve that goal. We all **** up now and again. Its what you do after and how you learn from the ****-ups that make you and your family who you are. You can't dwell on the mistakes.
J. J.

 

[ibrokeit]

You shouln't say "great job" to your child?

 

[COPPERHEAD42]

I dont think any of those things not to say to your child are bad. Shoot i think my parents told me all those every day :****:

 

[CHASMAN9]

Does this qualify me for Bad Dad? I think so...

I coach Travel baseball and have played all my life with sucess. Well, I expect the best out of my son, so when he was doing terrible batting, fielding, and pitching, I would wear his ass out. "Why did you miss that ball, you struck out watching, what's wrong with you?" "Can't you see??????" Well, the answer was YES. We took him to the eye doctor just to see and he was diagnosed 20-40 eyesite. So he could not see anything away from him. Fawk, I felt lower than a snakes belly. That was April of 2010


The good news is GREAT. We got him glasses and contacts and since then he has only struck out twice and is hitting almost .500, starting pitcher/ third baseman, Quarterback/ cornerback, etc I know, blah, blah, blah, right. I could not be more proud of him.

 

[InDaShop]

You shouln't say "great job" to your child?

speed read the article I linked that I stole those Paragraph headings from.

JJ you are absolutely right and why I started this thread. Most of you clowns as much as I hate to say it have turned out extremely good, and hardworking individuals. Yes there are exceptions like CheapJ7 But for the most part good people.

I dont put alot of faith in the so called "experts" but I did get a huge laugh out of it, and especially reflected back on it when the next day I forget a huge event in my kids life at school and sent him in totally unprepared.


I know you other bastards arent perfect, any learned lessons or mistakes that will scar your kids for life???

 

[payne97]

Yea I got told all of those alot maybe the

why cant u b more like your
your so

Ill try not 2 say those 2 my son

 

[CheapJ7]

I'm reaching the time in my life where I will be starting A family soon, I've often thought of what makes good parenting and how to make your children do the right things.

I'm 24, so looking at it from a sort of in-between perspective. My parents were never, never overly harsh or strict on my. In fact, quite the opposite.
I was raised with them exposing me to almost everything the "adults" were involved in. My parents main focus was teaching Moderation. They would point out our friend Greg passed out drunk and puking at 12 in the day and say don't end up like that. They would also say, Its ok to have a beer with friends once you're of age. None of this invite your friends over and "its ok if you drink at home, I'd rather them do it here than somewhere else ****..." That is bad parenting imo.
My curfew was set at 10:30 when I was 16, 11 at 17, midnight at 18 then It went to nothing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, What did they do to make me turn out ok.. ( shut your mouth before you respond right here!)

I've never been arrested, never had a major wreck, never od'd on drugs, made straight A's in school, Graduated CC and UofA with Honors.
go to work every morning, hold a stable relationship, able to save money and work toward long term goals, etc...

All of this Amazes me, because it seems these were all my own Independent decisions. I've had every opportunity in the world to mess up, do drugs ( more than bob marley style), knock girls up, flunk school, be sorry.. The crazy part is I easily could have done any of the above and my parents would have still been right there supporting me, hoping I would get better...

So after all this bullshit, I believe moderation is the key term here. Just use good sense. Don't let your kids drink at home underage, set some rules, some responsibilities, reasonable curfew, But above that let them live, let them know they can come to you no matter how bad they screw up. Make them Want to succeed. To strict is worse than too lenient. I've seen too many of my friends who weren't allowed off their mom's tit, get in the real world and become sluts (the girls) or get screwed up on drugs, One of them even got shot in a drug deal. He was captain of the Golf team at my all white Highschool...

Ok, now Wyatt... You sir are a sorry father. The end...

 

[InDaShop]

Does this qualify me for Bad Dad? I think so...

Thats awesome. And you got to be proud of a boy like that. I hope mine comes out that way, not blind but you know the other stuff laughing1



Along the lines of your story, my freshman year at K-State I had a Grains class and sat next to a fraternity brother. Well one day I missed some notes so I went to look off his notes. They looked like a retarded and blind chicken scratched all over his paper, BAD ****. I say "WTF is that chicken scratch?". He just shrugs and says "my notes, take your own". I find out months later he was highly dyslexic and was the one sitting next to me so he could use my notes. **** I felt like an ASS for rediculing him when he had a bad Learning Disability.

 

[InDaShop]

perfect JRich, I like it. ANd all this time i thought you were a stoner laughing1 So what I'm wondering is, what would happen to you when you broke curfew? Or what was said/done to you to ensure you were scared to break curfew???

 

[CHASMAN9]

Thats awesome. And you got to be proud of a boy like that. I hope mine comes out that way, not blind but you know the other stuff laughing1



Along the lines of your story, my freshman year at K-State I had a Grains class and sat next to a fraternity brother. Well one day I missed some notes so I went to look off his notes. They looked like a retarded and blind chicken scratched all over his paper, BAD ****. I say "WTF is that chicken scratch?". He just shrugs and says "my notes, take your own". I find out months later he was highly dyslexic and was the one sitting next to me so he could use my notes. **** I felt like an ASS for rediculing him when he had a bad Learning Disability.

Thanks Wyatt, one word for the wise I will be heeding, "LISTEN" to your kids. Not just with your ears, but with your eyes. :****:


As well, pretty much all of us at one time or another has been guilty of the old "When's the baby due" fat attage.

 

[jkh533]

Thanks Wyatt, one word for the wise I will be heeding, "LISTEN" to your kids. Not just with your ears, but with your eyes. :****:


As well, pretty much all of us at one time or another has been guilty of the old "When's the baby due" fat attage.

Have your wife ask you how much you know about your kids and then have her list all the things she does!
Boy make ya feel like you dont even live in the same house with them
Listen to and watch so you can learn from your kids, remember listen and silent are spelled with the same letters

 

[CheapJ7]

perfect JRich, I like it. ANd all this time i thought you were a stoner laughing1 So what I'm wondering is, what would happen to you when you broke curfew? Or what was said/done to you to ensure you were scared to break curfew???

Thats the Crazy part, I'm asking myself that as well... I don't know the answer because I never blew off or broke curfew, And I don't know why I didn't. It was ok for me to call if I was going to be late, but why the hell did I only use that for legitimate reasons. My parents went with more of the "you let me down" approach than the screaming mad beat you with a switch dammit mode. That always killed me.
If I had to put a finger on it, I would say that all the positive reinforcement, praise, and "good jobs /We're so proud of you" weighed so heavy with me that I never wanted to dissapoint them.

I would say focus on the positives, set clear expectations and punishments (taking away priveledges(( but that is tricky, because you don't want to not let them go to a big event then they rebel))) and come to a mutual understaning that the more trust is earned, the more trust will be given. Again, back to a give and take Moderation system.

 

[doctordick]

Love 'em, try to keep 'em safe and give them some values to live by. The fact that you're worried about it tells me that you won't be a horrible Dad. Some day you'll be as proud of them as I am of mine. PsDad. Amy's Dad

Jrich, I know your Dad's proud of you (although I can't imagine why)

 

[CheapJ7]

Love 'em, try to keep 'em safe and give them some values to live by. The fact that you're worried about it tells me that you won't be a horrible Dad. Some day you'll be as proud of them as I am of mine. PsDad. Amy's Dad

I hear ya old man, Just look how good P turned out. He's not doing a bad job in the Daddy dept. either...

 

[wizzo]

i'm 28 and expecting a boy in late september, been talking with friends lately about this kinda stuff. when i was a kid my parents pretty much let us know what their expectations were along the way, if i got out of line they would let me know, either verbal scolding or maybe a swat the butt, no beatings or yelling but my brother and i knew what was expected.

i don't understand parents who reward their kids everytime they don't act out in public or whatever the situation, like they get a treat or toy if they don't throw a fit in the store. i don't get it, my parents pretty much taught us that wasn't acceptable behavior and that was it.

it is interesting to see kids act differently around their parents vs. someone else. my wife has watched a family's 3 kids since the first was young and you can see them change their behaivor b/c their parents will let them do whatever but my wife won't.

 

[InDaShop]

i'm 28 and expecting a boy in late september, been talking with friends lately about this kinda stuff. when i was a kid my parents pretty much let us know what their expectations were along the way, if i got out of line they would let me know, either verbal scolding or maybe a swat the butt, no beatings or yelling but my brother and i knew what was expected.

i don't understand parents who reward their kids everytime they don't act out in public or whatever the situation, like they get a treat or toy if they don't throw a fit in the store. i don't get it, my parents pretty much taught us that wasn't acceptable behavior and that was it.

it is interesting to see kids act differently around their parents vs. someone else. my wife has watched a family's 3 kids since the first was young and you can see them change their behaivor b/c their parents will let them do whatever but my wife won't.

My wife and I are trying to come up with something to combat this very thing. My son is almost 4, and he goes everywhere, restaurants with us, sporting events, etc... We rarely get a sitter, not because of cost at all but because we want to have him experience as much as possible. He used to be an angel in public, but these "Trying 3's" he has changed to almost being a holy terror in public. He doesn’t scream or throw fits, he just terrorizes and runs around, and thinks it’s hilarious. We have seriously tried everything to reign his little ass in. And have had near zero success.

Off the top of my head what we’ve tried:
-Before going in somewhere explain expectations
-Threaten physical harm and sometimes follow through on it (never in public, I take him outside explain why he’s going to get spanked then give it to him)
-Rewards, Thank you’s, Atta Boys for good behavior
-Threats of withholding (you act up or don’t stop acting up your trains are getting put up)

Obviously every kid is different and every situation is different but what are you guys doing if you go in the grocery store and your kids wanders off a little then bolts? Or you are in a restraint and your kid decides to either climb over the back of the booth and torment the people behind you or sneaks under the table and hauls butt? Then gets far enough away and turns and laughs???

Even lining out expectations and him agreeing, it all goes out the window in the blink of an eye if something doesn’t go as planned inside.

 

[patooyee]

Virtually all these stories from people thinking they are bad fathers will ultimately be stories that you will laugh your ass off at when you are older. Your son will not think you are a bad father ultimately.

I remember one time my family and I were on vacation in the Black Hills and we played the game where each kid got a quarter for every live animal he spotted and called out while in the car. We knew mountain goats roamed the hills but also knew they were hard to spot. Well I saw this beautiful perfectly white majestic ram sitting up high on this rock that overlooked the highway we were on. He had huge, curling horns and this massive chest beard and he was just sitting there on his ass looking down on life. He was the fricking perfect image of the most perfect mountain ram you could imagine. I can't even find a pic on the net right now of such a perfect ram. I called him out and my whole family thought I was lying because they didn't see him. We even went back to check again but he was gone. My brother called me a liar, mom and dad went into diatribes about how it isn't right to tell lies, etc. But the next day we went back by that spot and traffic was at a stand still. People were out of their cars taking photos of this perfect ****ing ram that was sitting up there just looking down at them. Sitting on that rock was the perfect Dodge commercial. Everybody apologized to me and I got a whole buck for that sighting! We look back and laugh now but at the time mom and dad sure felt bad about calling me a liar.

My dad was all about hard love. My brother and I hated him at times and as a result we were a bit closer to mom. I look back now though and realize how difficult it was for him to discipline us when we were screaming how much we hated him. He did the RIGHT THING, not the EASY THING. Mom tells us stories now about how he would cry behind closed doors at having to spank us, or because his feelings were hurt so bad at the things we would scream at him when we were mad about being disciplined. We never saw that **** though. I look back now and think what a brave man he was, how he took our **** and kept plugging away at work to provide for us. I can tell you right now, I will never be the father he was. I just hope I can be half of what he was and it is because of the things that we hated back then that I think that now.

We're expecting our first daughter in Sept.

J. J.

 

[InDaShop]

oh yeah, having your 3 year old scream at you saying "I dont love you anymore" is comedy but at the same time hurts.

 

[blacksheep10]

My dad was all about hard love. My brother and I hated him at times and as a result we were a bit closer to mom. I look back now though and realize how difficult it was for him to discipline us when we were screaming how much we hated him. He did the RIGHT THING, not the EASY THING. Mom tells us stories now about how he would cry behind closed doors at having to spank us, or because his feelings were hurt so bad at the things we would scream at him when we were mad about being disciplined. We never saw that **** though. I look back now and think what a brave man he was, how he took our **** and kept plugging away at work to provide for us. I can tell you right now, I will never be the father he was. I just hope I can be half of what he was and it is because of the things that we hated back then that I think that now.


J. J.

JJ, it is hard as hell, as I'm the disciplinarian and my wife is the "wait til dad gets home" type. She can't spank hard enough to phase him and he's 2.

Wyatt, it is comedy at this stage, but I remember saying that **** to my dad when I was closer to 10, then is when it must start to really sting. I'm not as good at being a hard ass as he is, he is truly some of the last of a dying breed.