Youth these days ...

[patooyee]

I need some advice.

I have an employee who is one of the best I've ever had. She is 17, highly intelligent, gets great grades in school, is the favorite of all my customers, always happy, hard working and extremely reliable. At risk of sounding like a creepy old man, you would have to be a homo to not recognize how beautiful she is also. As a worker she is every employer's dream and she has worked with us for a long time so needless to say, everyone here cares about her including me. The thing is, she seems to be making some terrible choices in her personal life right now and she has no parents around to provide any sort of discipline or guidance. She's recently broke up with her boyfriend who was her age but doing a long stint in jail for armed robbery to move in with a 31-year-old man who provides her with free rent and a shitty car. (I don't even care to think about what she does to repay him, but suffice it to say that she felt the need to break up with her boyfriend to do so.)

From a professional standpoint, I should not get involved, I know this. But on a personal level I have come to think of this girl as sort of my daughter or little sister over time. I don't know that if I was making stupid decisions like that at her age if I would have heeded anyone else's advice if I had had it. But she has no one to give her that advice ... her mother is a crack whore who she hasn't spoken to in years and her father is a grown man who never grew up ... he's just always out of the house, doesn't care what she does, playing around with his own girlfriends and too busy to take notice of his daughter. He comes into the store while she is working to say hi to her for about 2 mins/week and that si the extent of their interaction.

So what do I do? Do I stand back and watch the train wreck or do I sit her down and tell her what a stupid bitch she is? I've had employees who I care about in the past make stupid decisions, but they've always been old enough to know better and to deal with the repurcussions. This girl is still young and this kind of **** can affect the rest of her life. She has so much promise that it woudl be a shame to see it all go away because she gets knocked up by a dude who is older than her father ...

J. J.

 

[draggbody]

to keep from sounding like you are telling her what to do, tell a story about this "person" you knew that is/was doing whatever she is... you can provide advise about this "persons" actions and let it be up to her to maybe ask for further advise... you could always offer her to move in w/ you and get the 3 way going... which i would reserve for plan B...

 

[patooyee]

Well, as fate would have it, I didn't have to make the decision, she just came up to me without even knowing I was concerned and spilled her heart to me. She was almost in tears complaining about how everyone is calling her a whore (I didn't even know that her situation was general knowledge.) for living with this guy when she claims they are just really good friends, etc. I calmly explained to her that she is learning the hard way that the decisions she makes now can affect her future. I told her that most girls her age have a mother or father who advise them against living with 31-year-old men and driving their cars. I used the example of girls who dress slutty. (Not that she does.) Mom's advise against that behavior to protect them from the assumptions that people will automatically make. I told her she didn't have the advantage of having parents who cared and therefore she has to rely on her abundance of intelligence and common sense to learn these things. I also told her that everyone here cares for her deeply which is why we are offended to see someone with as much potential as she has make bad decisions. Hopefully she will heed my advice but I don't expect she will. Kids without guidance are going to do what they want to do no matter what.

J. J.

 

[POPS58]

From a father of a daughters point of view this is your chance to be somewhat involved in her life,that is if you feel the way you say about her.Girls need a father figure in their life.Use this to ALLWAYS talk to her about anything you see going on in her life.She must have some respect for you to come to you with her problems.Never wait, set her down and tell her what is on your mind when ever something don't look right.She'll either love for it for the good that can come out of it or she'll destroy her live.Take the chances to help her down the right road.Start it off by explaining just the way you feel,good luck.

 

[P]

Shoot her straight, your doing the right thing iwth sharing your thought's and experiences . In the end that is all you can do because human nature is stronger than any advice you can feed anyone. Good work being there for her, listening to her and expressing that you guys care about were she is and what she's doing in live. Fact is, we all spend more time on average in a week's time at work then we do with our families. It's the American way right... Your time is the most valuable thing a person can give, you've obviously gave your time to this chick hopefully she realizes why and take's some of your advice to heart.

 

[P]

On the same subject of "youth these day's " Im straight up apalled at the way so many YOUNG kids are given all the privledge's of teen's or even young adults... Curfew's , cell phone's , the ability to talk like crap to an adult and use bad or border line bad language toward's them to express themselves. Hell man we let kids " THINK " they are grown way to early. Its a fine line between growing up and thinking they are grown. The stuff Im starting to deal with , with my own 9yr old girl sheeeeeeesh, and I know this is only the start , but damn some of these "peers" that she goes to school with and hang's with. Just makes me wanna start spanking kid's ! laughing1 MORE SPECIFICALLY Why the hell does a NINE YEAR OLD need a cell phone And dont give me that **** that you want to "stay in touch with them " Are you that far outta reach you dont got damn know were your NINE YEAR OLD is ???????!!!!!!!!!

 

[patooyee]

On the same subject of "youth these day's " Im straight up apalled at the way so many YOUNG kids are given all the privledge's of teen's or even young adults... Curfew's , cell phone's , the ability to talk like crap to an adult and use bad or border line bad language toward's them to express themselves. Hell man we let kids " THINK " they are grown way to early. Its a fine line between growing up and thinking they are grown. The stuff Im starting to deal with , with my own 9yr old girl sheeeeeeesh, and I know this is only the start , but damn some of these "peers" that she goes to school with and hang's with. Just makes me wanna start spanking kid's ! laughing1 MORE SPECIFICALLY Why the hell does a NINE YEAR OLD need a cell phone And dont give me that **** that you want to "stay in touch with them " Are you that far outta reach you dont got damn know were your NINE YEAR OLD is ???????!!!!!!!!!

TRUE MOTHERFUCKING THAT! I've got a sick ****ing story to tell and its long but its worth telling:

Back when I originally opened this restaurant I had a creepy looking dude apply who was a convicted sex felon. He was young, maybe about 21, and the reason I knew he was was because he has to note it on his application by law. I asked him about it and he freely admitted that he had child pornography on his computer and did a small time in jail and was out for good behavior. This is a family-oriented restaurant so there's no way he was going to get the job once I saw the back of the app, so I sent him on his way. 2 months later I saw his face on the local news for having been re-arrested and being charged of molesting a 12-year-old boy. That's the last I heard about him for a long time so I kind of just assume dhe would be spending the rest of his days behind bars. But then about a year later a Subway opened in the Wal-Mart next to my store and lo and behold he is working there. I guess he squirmed his way out fo the latest offense or something, I don't know. None the less, he's working there and has been until this day, which has been about a year since they opened.

About 4 months ago I was doing some shopping at Wal-Mart and as I was checking out I couldn't help but notice a mom with her two young daughters at that Subway having their sandwiches made by this sex offender. One of her daughters was maybe 4, the other looked to be about 10 or 12. Mom was right there with both girls. The older girl was dressed 100% like a street slut. She must have had 4" stilletto heels with some hoochie-mama black jean shorts that literaly ride halfway up her ass with her cheeks haning out the bottom. She was wearing a black and white stripped shirt that was cut so low that you could see the bottom of her rib cage bare and it had some tiny little pockets for tits as the shirt was obviously designed for a much older woman who was endowed, but as the girl was only like 12 she had no tits to fill the pockets, so they were just kind of open. Her face had so much damn makeup on it that I don't know how her mother even recognized her. The sight of this little girl dressed like that in front of her own mom unknowingly being served by a known sex offender who had recently been accused of molesting a boy the same age made me just want to puke. I literally had to swallow a mouthful of vomit so that I didn't upchuck on the Wal-Mart floor. Then I got so angry that I just wanted to go up to that mother and beat the ever-living snot out of her. I mean, I literally wanted to go to the sporting goods section and get an aluminum baseball bat and just cave that bitch's face in for letting her daughter go out in public like that. It's a prime example of why parents shouldn't let daughters go out like that though ... you never know who is making your $5 footlong these days or what he is thinking about doign to your slutty little daughter with his foot-long.

J. J.

 

[Rescue1]

I feel the same way !!! Me and my wife and kids go to the local mall every now and then an to see some of these kids and how they dress just piss me off. I mean do there parents even care. I told my daughter if I ever seen her out in public dress like that the next time she went out she would be wearing pants to cover up the marks on her legs. She flat out told me they looked like sluts and she wouldn't be caught dead in there outfits. Thank GOD me and the wife ( the wife especaily) have taught her morals and how to dress approitlly.

 

[Juan_Hong_Loe]

On the same subject of "youth these day's " Im straight up apalled at the way so many YOUNG kids are given all the privledge's of teen's or even young adults... Curfew's , cell phone's , the ability to talk like crap to an adult and use bad or border line bad language toward's them to express themselves. Hell man we let kids " THINK " they are grown way to early. Its a fine line between growing up and thinking they are grown. The stuff Im starting to deal with , with my own 9yr old girl sheeeeeeesh, and I know this is only the start , but damn some of these "peers" that she goes to school with and hang's with. Just makes me wanna start spanking kid's ! laughing1 MORE SPECIFICALLY Why the hell does a NINE YEAR OLD need a cell phone And dont give me that **** that you want to "stay in touch with them " Are you that far outta reach you dont got damn know were your NINE YEAR OLD is ???????!!!!!!!!!

My boss's daughter is 9 or 10 years old and she came home the other day wanting to know the meaning of a couple words and phrases. The first was "French Kiss", second "Gay", and last "sex". Now his wife handled the the whole deal the best way any concerned parent would. They told her the meaning of frenchkiss and gay but told her she didn't need to worry about the meaning of sex right now. As I recall I was about 11 or 12 when I really learned the meaning of french kiss and sex and all that stuff (friends dad had all kinds of hustlers and playboys "hidden" ;D ). As for the language of the young teens, I see it most everyday. And what's up with wearing a hat tilted to the side just a little bit? I don't wear hats but I have and they always seemed to fit better if worn like they were supposed to be worn. Maybe I'm just getting old. As for the cell phone and stuff. After christmas my wife and me went to at&t to get her a new cell phone. I asked the guy that was helping us "How many Iphones did you sell this christmas?" His reply was, "I'm suprised you're not buying one. That's how many." I then asked, "How many kids under the age of 12 do you think got iphones for christmas?" Before he could answer a mother and daughter at the register next to us purchased an iphone. The daughter couldnt have been older than 10. He looked over there and said, "I think that's the last kid in this town to get one." Now I can see giving your kid a cell phone if they are going away for a while, but not all the time. Sleep overs, going to the park, mall or whaterver with other freinds but not a damn iphone. geez !

Sorry for the rant I'll stop now. :indianajones:

 

[CHASMAN9]

You sound like a good guy and a great boss and I feel you are handling it the best way at the risk of being looked upon as a deviant. At this point, she sounds like she needs more in her life other than another boyfriend. Can you give her some extra work, maybe something other than what she is already doing? She needs to feel worth value to someone for what she can do. The smallest of jobs can mean the difference to her and shape her esteem immensly. Just my .02

 

[Draco]

These spoiled ass kids piss me the hell off!! The parents are more to blame though....And damn do they get pissed off when you tell them what a little **** their kid is being in public. LOL...Lowes was the latest incident.... :

I must have missed out when I was a kid....

I didn't get a cell phone until I had enough credit to get one for myself, and had a job to pay the bill. I didn't drive a new car/truck. I didn't have the nicest clothes money could buy. I got my ass beat when it was needed....that was a lot. The list goes on....Anyway.

I think I turned out pretty good though. Got a beautiful wife with a good job, I have a good job, nice place to live, lots of "toys", everything I need and pretty much what I want. When I turned 21, I went out and had a REALLY good time for about 5yrs. That helped me become even more of the "bad kid" in my parents eyes anyway. My folks always made a big difference in my brother and me. He was given everything he wanted and spoiled. Well some years later, he married a girl that was raised the same way. My wife and I just sit back and laugh.....them two think they are as special to the average Joe as they are to their parents. Its even more fun to tell mom and dad they made him that way when they're bitching about him and his wife. I prolly shouldn't be that way....hard not to though.

I rekon I've derailed your thread enough patooyee. You seem to be doing all you really can. Advise is all you can do. Hopefully she'll listen and get on track soon. Sounds like she has a lot of potential....be a shame to waste it making poor choices. With the way people are this day and time....It takes a hell of a guy to take the time and try and help someone. Most folks are wrapped up in their own ****, and really don't care. Just my $.02

 

[Draco]

You sound like a good guy and a great boss and I feel you are handling it the best way at the risk of being looked upon as a deviant. At this point, she sounds like she needs more in her life other than another boyfriend. Can you give her some extra work, maybe something other than what she is already doing? She needs to feel worth value to someone for what she can do. The smallest of jobs can mean the difference to her and shape her esteem immensly. Just my .02

Good post! I agree 100% The more useful she feels, the better.

 

[wontwork]

I am not even gona get involved with this discussion, but lets just say I see something along these lines at least 5-6 times a day and I teach an all boys class. I do however see girls around campuss that are dresses unappropriate for going to bed.

 

[patooyee]

You sound like a good guy and a great boss and I feel you are handling it the best way at the risk of being looked upon as a deviant. At this point, she sounds like she needs more in her life other than another boyfriend. Can you give her some extra work, maybe something other than what she is already doing? She needs to feel worth value to someone for what she can do. The smallest of jobs can mean the difference to her and shape her esteem immensly. Just my .02

That's a good point. She is one of my best employees and maybe giving her some extra responsibility will help her. I can't work her anymore than I do though as she works every night after school and all day every weekend by her own choice. I used to not give her so many hours because I wanted her to spend more time being a kid and studying, but she complained that she wasn't getting enough hours and I knew that she's not getting any financial help from her parents so I started working her as much as she wanted, which was basically all the time. She gets 1 day off a week and thats about it. If it were up to her she woudln't get that. I was afraid that working her that much would affect her grades but it doesn't. When I started giving her more hours I made a deal with her that the hours would be contingent on her grades so she brings me her report cards when she gets them and she gets straight a's, b's, and an occasional c no matter how many hours she works. She's just naturally smart and school doesn't really challenge her I guess, I don't know. It's sad seeing someone forced to grow up so fast and see them stumble along the way. I know I couldn't have made the grades in HS that I did working the hours that she does.

J. J.

 

[CHASMAN9]

You got some heart. You know you can't play favoritism, but you can be a mentor to her. The deal with the grades for more work is a great idea as that will create incentive for her. Every now and then, up the ante and give her something extra, like a tank full of gas or something that you can write off as a business expense and not be portrayed as the old man with the handful of candy. Anything to show her your true appreciation for her hard work. The one thing you stated about the train wreck is partially true though. She needs to fail from time to time so she can see her achievments and through that she will see your true colors as an employer and a friend. You might also ask any of your other employees what thier feelings towards her are regarding the situation as well. That way all is above the table for all to see. Well now I have to got and finish watching the Oprah show, Hope this helps.

 

[caglezxj]

Hey man like Chase said, be a mentor. My parents divorced when I was 3, I lived with each of them off and on.... My neighbors Dennis and Paula at my moms house was mostly like a father to me and I spent most of my childhood with them. He was also there telling me what decisions to make and the ones I fawked up on also. I had moved out at 17, finished high school and started college on my own. Working a fulltime job since I was 18 as a maintenance tech. Till this day I owe mostly everything to Dennis, the neighbor that was there for me. He has passed away now and I help his wife out when she needs it. Don't think that my past has been clean cut, when I was 19 I decided to try selling some ****, pretty good business until someone rat's. It took me all of the money I had made to pay for the lawyer to wipe away 5 felonies...... But I got a clean slate, Dennis was there asking me questions and not getting down my throat but letting me know that, that type of life doesn't go any where.
I think you should be there for her, tell her what is right or wrong but don't dawg her out. That will make her stubborn to your efforts. Offer her a place to stay until she gets her crap together. Or help her find a place to stay. You know what she can afford. I will always have the pay it forward intentions through out my life. I was dealt a crappy hand but with a little understanding I have been very successful.

I expect to get one of these as the next post....

 

[patooyee]

I always try to exceed expecatations.

Naw, seriously, I appreciate the advice. She doesn't need a place to stay, her dad has an apartment that stays vacant most of the time that she used to stay in. He spends most of his nights at his girlfriend's place so this girl has the place all to herself 90% of the time. I don't know why she felt the need to move in with this other guy if they are truly "just friends" as she states. I know she needs a car to drive which is why she uses his.

Anyway, the situation has kind of cooled down for the moment. I'm not sure what she intends to do with the advice I gave her yesterday. I hope she does what's right and she shows up to work tonight not driving that dude's car. We'll see ...

J. J.

 

[jrhall]

Given the youth this day in time, this is the exact reason im never having kids on purpose.....
(reason being that kids in general are fawkin evil.)
I was raised in pretty good home but feel like im never goin to be responsible enough to raise a child...
You can give me comments like my age and stuff.... But i can promise ya it wont happen.

 

[J.A.B]

I agree with JR - I will never have kids - EVER

 

[P]

Thank you for not reproducing.