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Worst piece of ass ever!
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<blockquote data-quote="wingsnhammers" data-source="post: 295856" data-attributes="member: 5864"><p>Some of my friends call me Cripple X....</p><p></p><p> I was attending Auburn at the time, fall of 08. I'm pretty sure I had a drinking problem. I would drink a case of Bud heavy 3 nights a week and a liter of Jim on Saturday night. Anyway, so me and some of the girls in my apartment building are going to Liqour Treat. This is some kind of a deal where a few hundred people show up to a neighborhood and jump from house to house every 30 minutes. Each house is decorated differently, and the wimmens are out in force. So my neighbors want to meet up with some friends before we get there. Fine. I'll just tag along and drink my Jim Beam.</p><p> They meet up. There are 2 girls and one cow that joins our group. Now, when I say cow, I mean to say that she is a 5'6" blonde, has a fairly slender build, and was dressed in some god awful cowsuit. She also had a very nice pair of lips and a very cute face. I couldn't tell much more than that because of the damn suit and the 5th of Jim I had already downed. </p><p> We all get to the first party house and the drankin really starts. I can't remember much of what happened except that I ran out of Jim Beam and started drinking beer. Also, one of Auburn's finest caught me putting an empty beer can into someone's mailbox. He made me take it out. </p><p> I wake up the next morning and notice that I have a new name in my phone. Tess. Had no clue how she got in there, but there she was. She actually called about mid day and was even thoughtful enough to tell me that she was the blonde in the cowsuit. Sweet! I end up inviting her to some on campus tailgating shenanigan the next week. She declines, says she has other plans but would let me know if her plans changed.</p><p> So Friday night rolls around, the tents are set up right by the brand new parking deck on campus, and the drinking begins. The menu for the night is Jager bombs and Hungry Howies pizza. Again, I don't remember much of what happens except one particular moment when I wake up in the tent (nothing in the damn thing except me) and see Tess looking down at me. I was all kinds of hammered, but I still remember seeing those amazing pair of tits dangling in front of me. She said something to me, then left. The next morning we were "evicted" from our camping spot. We, in this case, being me. Everyone else had gone home and I was the sole occupant and the only person to blame for the mountain of 40s (When did we get 40s!?) and all other manner of random **** laying everywhere. There was a campus rule the next week stating that no-one would be allowed to camp or tailgate anywhere near the actual campus buildings...especially the parking deck.</p><p> By this time, I've seen her twice and I know that I want to at least see if she is soft in all the right places. She calls me the next week and asks if I have any plans. Yep, party at my place! She's coming around 9. </p><p></p><p> Friday night rolls around and we got ourselves a party. For once, I'm hanging back. I'm thinking that a whiskey **** will be a bad move on my part. 9 Rolls around and damn girl isnt there. Then Ten. I figure she blew me off so I start drinkin for real. Around one, when people are in the midst of leaving, she just walks in. Fast forwarding 15 minutes, we're in my bed. I'm already flat on my back and half nekked getting head. Damn good head, I might add. She'd done this before and was taking pride in her work. </p><p> After 10 minutes or so, she gets up and gives me a good look at those chesticles. I'm guessing 36D. Doesn't really matter, she had the purtiest pink nipples I had ever seen. I play around with her for a while, then proceed to dive in. We both enjoy it. Thirty minutes later, the deed is done, I've blown all over her back, and I'm going to sleep.</p><p> I wake up to a hand job. Not necessarily what I would consider a normal handjob. It just felt...different. I look up and notice that I'm getting a good one-handed pump job. No issues what-so-ever. I eventually pop off, and she leaves. No weird "bye" or anything like that. She just got up and started dressing and casually said "I gotta go. Call you later".</p><p> The next night is alot like the first, except without the party. She shows up, we hang out a few then go to my bedroom. We **** once, then go hang out some more. I figure that while she is still here and since I've had enough time to construct and eat a sammich, why not go again? We go at it again. </p><p> I was giving her hell from behind and a thought came to mind. "I need to flip this girl so I can look at them tits while I'm boning her!" Damn great idea! Without telling her, I pick her up and drop her back down on the bed flat on her back. That's when it hit me. I had never seen this girls left hand. I had just seen SOMETHING like a left hand go flying through the air in front of me, but the wild gyrations kept me from seeing it clearly. I look down at her and instantly notice that she is PISSED. Very pissed. Being that close, I couldn't hide the fact that I was looking at her left hand. </p><p> Apparently, she did have a left hand, or at least something that resembled one. It had 5 digits, but was shrunken and misformed. We sat there for a good 5 seconds without shifting gaze or making a move. I was deciding whether or not this misformed hand was an impediment to me getting my nut. Ultimately, I reasoned with myself that the left hand (or lack there-of) had nothing to do with ***** quality or function and started thrusting again. After we finish, her cell phone interrupts the awkward silence and she informs me that it is her boyfriend and that she has to go. </p><p> That was the last time I saw her. Looking back on it, I kinda wish she would have stuck around for a little while. <img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies2/Oscar.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt="molaugh" title="Oscar molaugh" data-shortname="molaugh" /> It wasn't even close to a bad piece of ass. It was just all kinds of awkward. That initial shock got me pretty good, but I had decided that it really wasn't that big of a deal. My junk didn't even really go soft. :****: If she would have told me before hand, I wouldn't have thought any more into it. </p><p></p><p>I included a whole bunch of **** that had no relevance to the actual subject. I just thought it made a better story. Nowhere near as bad as some of the other stories on here. I aint tongue ****ed a boil or gone balls deep in a Heffers ass. Hell, I even called this girl back and tried to hook up more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wingsnhammers, post: 295856, member: 5864"] Some of my friends call me Cripple X.... I was attending Auburn at the time, fall of 08. I'm pretty sure I had a drinking problem. I would drink a case of Bud heavy 3 nights a week and a liter of Jim on Saturday night. Anyway, so me and some of the girls in my apartment building are going to Liqour Treat. This is some kind of a deal where a few hundred people show up to a neighborhood and jump from house to house every 30 minutes. Each house is decorated differently, and the wimmens are out in force. So my neighbors want to meet up with some friends before we get there. Fine. I'll just tag along and drink my Jim Beam. They meet up. There are 2 girls and one cow that joins our group. Now, when I say cow, I mean to say that she is a 5'6" blonde, has a fairly slender build, and was dressed in some god awful cowsuit. She also had a very nice pair of lips and a very cute face. I couldn't tell much more than that because of the damn suit and the 5th of Jim I had already downed. We all get to the first party house and the drankin really starts. I can't remember much of what happened except that I ran out of Jim Beam and started drinking beer. Also, one of Auburn's finest caught me putting an empty beer can into someone's mailbox. He made me take it out. I wake up the next morning and notice that I have a new name in my phone. Tess. Had no clue how she got in there, but there she was. She actually called about mid day and was even thoughtful enough to tell me that she was the blonde in the cowsuit. Sweet! I end up inviting her to some on campus tailgating shenanigan the next week. She declines, says she has other plans but would let me know if her plans changed. So Friday night rolls around, the tents are set up right by the brand new parking deck on campus, and the drinking begins. The menu for the night is Jager bombs and Hungry Howies pizza. Again, I don't remember much of what happens except one particular moment when I wake up in the tent (nothing in the damn thing except me) and see Tess looking down at me. I was all kinds of hammered, but I still remember seeing those amazing pair of tits dangling in front of me. She said something to me, then left. The next morning we were "evicted" from our camping spot. We, in this case, being me. Everyone else had gone home and I was the sole occupant and the only person to blame for the mountain of 40s (When did we get 40s!?) and all other manner of random **** laying everywhere. There was a campus rule the next week stating that no-one would be allowed to camp or tailgate anywhere near the actual campus buildings...especially the parking deck. By this time, I've seen her twice and I know that I want to at least see if she is soft in all the right places. She calls me the next week and asks if I have any plans. Yep, party at my place! She's coming around 9. Friday night rolls around and we got ourselves a party. For once, I'm hanging back. I'm thinking that a whiskey **** will be a bad move on my part. 9 Rolls around and damn girl isnt there. Then Ten. I figure she blew me off so I start drinkin for real. Around one, when people are in the midst of leaving, she just walks in. Fast forwarding 15 minutes, we're in my bed. I'm already flat on my back and half nekked getting head. Damn good head, I might add. She'd done this before and was taking pride in her work. After 10 minutes or so, she gets up and gives me a good look at those chesticles. I'm guessing 36D. Doesn't really matter, she had the purtiest pink nipples I had ever seen. I play around with her for a while, then proceed to dive in. We both enjoy it. Thirty minutes later, the deed is done, I've blown all over her back, and I'm going to sleep. I wake up to a hand job. Not necessarily what I would consider a normal handjob. It just felt...different. I look up and notice that I'm getting a good one-handed pump job. No issues what-so-ever. I eventually pop off, and she leaves. No weird "bye" or anything like that. She just got up and started dressing and casually said "I gotta go. Call you later". The next night is alot like the first, except without the party. She shows up, we hang out a few then go to my bedroom. We **** once, then go hang out some more. I figure that while she is still here and since I've had enough time to construct and eat a sammich, why not go again? We go at it again. I was giving her hell from behind and a thought came to mind. "I need to flip this girl so I can look at them tits while I'm boning her!" Damn great idea! Without telling her, I pick her up and drop her back down on the bed flat on her back. That's when it hit me. I had never seen this girls left hand. I had just seen SOMETHING like a left hand go flying through the air in front of me, but the wild gyrations kept me from seeing it clearly. I look down at her and instantly notice that she is PISSED. Very pissed. Being that close, I couldn't hide the fact that I was looking at her left hand. Apparently, she did have a left hand, or at least something that resembled one. It had 5 digits, but was shrunken and misformed. We sat there for a good 5 seconds without shifting gaze or making a move. I was deciding whether or not this misformed hand was an impediment to me getting my nut. Ultimately, I reasoned with myself that the left hand (or lack there-of) had nothing to do with ***** quality or function and started thrusting again. After we finish, her cell phone interrupts the awkward silence and she informs me that it is her boyfriend and that she has to go. That was the last time I saw her. Looking back on it, I kinda wish she would have stuck around for a little while. molaugh It wasn't even close to a bad piece of ass. It was just all kinds of awkward. That initial shock got me pretty good, but I had decided that it really wasn't that big of a deal. My junk didn't even really go soft. :****: If she would have told me before hand, I wouldn't have thought any more into it. I included a whole bunch of **** that had no relevance to the actual subject. I just thought it made a better story. Nowhere near as bad as some of the other stories on here. I aint tongue ****ed a boil or gone balls deep in a Heffers ass. Hell, I even called this girl back and tried to hook up more. [/QUOTE]
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