Good "1 upp'er" or completely untrue stories

LightBnDr · Jan 30, 2015

350.....dressed out.....

I have heard all kinds of stories of pokin fat chicks. I have just never needed vagina that bad

Joc · Jan 30, 2015

A guy at work got one of them new braclets that keep up with your movement.....said he masterbaited for 4 miles yesterday.

85toyo · Jan 30, 2015

Joc said:
A guy at work got one of them new braclets that keep up with your movement.....said he masterbaited for 4 miles yesterday.

1TONTJ · Jan 30, 2015

We've got this tinfoil hat wearing equipment operator at work who is always telling these goofy ass stories. We were talking about people building things at home in their garages one day and he says this dude down the road from him invented a boat motor that runs on water.....as in it burns water for fuel..... laughing1

Joc · Jan 30, 2015

1TONTJ said:
We've got this tinfoil hat wearing equipment operator at work who is always telling these goofy ass stories. We were talking about people building things at home in their garages one day and he says this dude down the road from him invented a boat motor that runs on water.....as in it burns water for fuel..... laughing1

Hydrogen generator :dunno:

Stretch · Jan 30, 2015

Re: Re: Good "1 upp'er" or completely untrue stories

infamous1 said:
Never went to bed with a fat girl but woke up with a few lol!!!

We was riding and camping with some guys once and the guys went to a bar to get some nookies,and this is the story; about 2am they hollared last call old boy said they was only two gals left in the place and they was sitting at the bar looking at them, ole boy said one of them would dress out about 350lbs he said his buddy wanted her so he took the ole big gal!!!!!

That's what a couple of my boys in college called goin HOGGIN! laughing1

zukimaster · Jan 30, 2015

The chubby girls always had the best *****! Just didn't want to be seen in the Western Sizzlin with them! :****:

TBItoy · Jan 30, 2015

zukimaster said:
The chubby girls always had the best *****! Just didn't want to be seen in the Western Sizzlin with them! :****:

And they swallow too. Cause they HONGRY :eat:

June dog · Jan 30, 2015

HageredYota85 said:
Once upon a time I picked up a girl from a bar. I took her to one of those romantic screw spots out in the woods, yall know the kind, but before i could get her started she told me she was a virgin and she was nervous. I tried fingering her to get her going but i couldn't even get 1 upper!

A guy that comes into our work talked about an ol girl he went out with. Said her ***** was so tight he had to frig her in the ass. :rolf:

LandSpeeder · Jan 30, 2015

June dog said:
A guy that comes into our work talked about an ol girl he went out with. Said her ***** was so tight he had to frig her in the ass.

that's only cause she was passed out on her stomach

TacomaJD · Jan 30, 2015

Re:

This one time, at band camp.....

grcthird · Jan 31, 2015

blacksheep10 said:
same here. I always assumed it was .75 of whatever a lot was, or actually .750 (3/4" of valve lift) , so no way there.

Correct, it's a camshaft with 3/4" of lift.

pholmann · Jan 31, 2015

grcthird said:
Correct, it's a camshaft with 3/4" of lift.

Is that 3/4 of max lift? Like when heads get tested on a flow bench the max is generally .700-.800". So would that be a .600" lift?

grcthird · Jan 31, 2015

That's what I was told by a couple of old school hot rod guys, after researching some I found out there is several different definitions of the term.

sappmann · Jan 31, 2015

i always thought it was a referance to the 302 chevy camshaft

LightBnDr · Feb 5, 2015

When I was 13 I got a blow gun. Came with 6 darts. I got home from school one day and went to the woods as usual. I ran around for maybe 30 minutes shootin trees and just not a lot of activity plus tough to bring down a bird or squirrel with a blow gun. Lol

So I head to the pond. As I walk up to the edge I see a giant bull frog. I slowly load up a dart, bam, put it right in his back. He didn't budge. I load up another one, bam, put it in his back. Didn't budge. I put 2 more in him. Guy didn't even flinch. So there are my 4 darts stickin out of this frog. I think he's dead or somethin.

I reach down to pull my darts out of his back, the guy jumps out into open water, disappears!! I'm thinkin son of a bitch, I just lost 4 darts!!

So I run home and I'm just disappointed. I grab my wrist rocket and head back to the woods. This time I'm on a mission for some warm blood. I don't see squat. So just for the heck of it, I head back to the pond lookin for this frog. Walk up to the same spot and there's that bastard chillin in the exact same spot again, all 4 of my darts in his back. Haha I throw a steel shot in my wrist rocket like James bond then damn near point blank it almost went through him.

Got all my darts back. Victory!!

If I could do it different I would have eaten him so it wasn't a waste but I was 13.

My father in law thinks to this day it was all a bullshit story. Promise it's true 100%

infamous1 · Feb 5, 2015

Re:

My buddy shot a rabbit with one of those blowguns, said he seen it hoppin around his yard for weeks with the little blue plastic cone stickin out of the top of its shoulder. He was scared to tell his dad b/c he woulda whooped his ass for shootin a rabbit.

drkelly · Feb 5, 2015

LandSpeeder said:
Not trying to Top you.. ( get it?) but we also had a guy we all called Topper! LOL!
Do we work together?! This guy was a contract worker.

I doubt it. Looks like you are in AL? I am in central, NC.

The topper that worked here was a contractor too. He was here around 2007-2009 when the company was wide open on a big project. Everyone here sits in a cubicle, but there were so many people here at that time they converted a big room into 'the man cave' we used to call it. About 15-20 contract engineers were in that room. Not long after he started someone started the 'Topper List' for all of his stories. It was on a shared drive where everyone could get to it to add the latest tall tale they had been told by Topper. A co worker of mine still has a copy and sent it to me. It is 9 pages long!

Here is the first page:

1. Sailed a 72' sail boat double handed through three (3) hurricanes and 80' waves, the boat's was supposedly a Swan (a multi million dollar sailing yacht) note I said double handed as in only two people, the boat was totalled.
2. While riding his Banshee down the beach he spotted a Giant Squid. He ran in to the water and single handily captured (wrestled) it and dug it onto the beach where he and a bunch of locals immediately cut it up for food.(Baja Peninsula)
3. Once got knocked off his Banshee at OVER 100 MPH on beach by seagull impact to head. With his daughter on board with him, she was able to control it after he got knocked off.
4. Rolled a Jeep CJ down 250' cliff and walked away virtually unscathed
5. Had repeated high speed "get-offs" at over 100 MPH from Banshee, saved only by his custom made chest protector.
6. Called on his cell phone several times in a room full of co-workers, speaking extremely loud as he inquired about a $192,000 Bahamian bank draft check that was to be and deposited (half of it) into "Schmidt Barney account"
7. Caught Tarpon "all day long" on a fly rod in Puerto Rico
8. Not 1, but 3 catfish in 1 evening from the dock on High Rock Lake – 2-40 pounders and 1 OVER 80#!
9. Owns a 135 MPH jet boat "NUTTIN" can touch it on High Rock lake
10. Bought a set of $6500 spherical port cylinder heads by Richard Childress racing from eBay for $300 complete!
11. Wrote a vertical turning center postprocessor for Siemens "after dinner"
12. Flew small plane over Fort Bragg Military reservation, post 911
13. Built strip redwood canoe "no tippee" virtually untipptable even when you stand on the gunnels.
14. Bought 2 "Dali" prints (signed and numbered) for about a "couple tousand" each and now are worth about ½ Million.
15. While Bass Fishing with unheard of "pro" anglers with "some sort of lures they invented" he caught (9), 4 plus pound fish in one afternoon.
16. Detonating explosives with a former Hells Angel member who has 3 bunkers "filled" with C4 etc…..
17. World class archer 1974 to 1978 Olympic class. EASILY shoots pigeons in flight from silos.
18. Former downhill ski instructor
19. Has surfed the shores of Hawaii (the North shore of course), Mexico and Puerto Rico and Costa Rica where his surfing buddies currently reside.
20. Owns a house in NC, Arizona and Puerto Rico
21. Girlfriend rubs his feet when he gets home "every day"
22. Was involved in a "hit and run" on I-85 with a tractor trailer – the truck got away in a traffic jam, escaped his gray duct taped red Porsche.
23. Worked at Custom furniture manufacturer in high school.
24. Designed Invisalign Braces tooling
25. His stepson was arrested for creating a hit list to shoot-up his high school.
26. See #25- He then beats up the reporter that came to his door.
27. He has a 21 yr old girlfriend/mistress that his live-in girlfriend knows about, but this is normal because she is Spanish he says.

tonybolton · Feb 5, 2015

Oh God......hahaha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha

BPINAZ · Feb 5, 2015

An old man in one of the communities that I "work" in, Portal, AZ always tells crazy stories:

He cut all the U.S. forrestry service trails through the Chiricuhua Mountains by hand and mapped/made all the signs for every one of them.

While bear hunting, he was attacked by an Arizona Wildcat, which are freaking huge. The cat jumped on the right side of his head and he had draw his pistol, which was holstered on his right side, with his left hand and then shoot the cat off his face.....nice shot!

He caught the Sineloa Drug Cartel's number 1 dope smuggler (mule) after tracking him in the mountains for 10 days.