Funny Short Jokes....

[dirtygoat]

Why are basketball players so tall???




Cause their knee grows...

 

[Mallcrawler83]

So, a trucker is cruising down the highway one afternoon and see's a girl standing along side the road looking off a bridge. She looks like she is gonna jump. He stops and says "hey girl, come talk to me. Hop in." She gets, and he say's "are you sure you want to kill yourself?" She say's "my mind is made up, I am done dealing with life. Had enough." Trucker say's " well, how about a blowjob before you jump?" She agrees, and gives him the best blowjob he's ever had. She's about to get out when the trucker asks "why are you going to kill yourself?" The girl answers " I can't take it. My parents hate it when I dress up like a girl."

 

[TreeClimber]

Funny Short Jokes right?

Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running ****.

What's the difference between a Womans Track Team and a group of Pigmys?

One is a cunning little bunch of runts.

 

[KarlVP]

<hr style="color:#d2d2d2; background-color:#d2d2d2" size="1"> Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'

 

[KarlVP]

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a Funeral Director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.

I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

When I finished,I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

 

[KarlVP]

When I got home from work yesterday there was a note on the refridgerator from my wife that said...
"this isn't working, I'm going to my mothers"
I opened up the fridge, the light came on and the beer was still cold.
It was working just fine.

 

[Sandtrap1986]

What do you do if you get swallowed by an elephant?

Run round and around till you get all pooped out

Guy walks up to girl says I got a joke about my penis but its really long. Girl says I got a joke about my vagina but you will never get it

 

[pokey]

So, a trucker is cruising down the highway one afternoon and see's a girl standing along side the road looking off a bridge. She looks like she is gonna jump. He stops and says "hey girl, come talk to me. Hop in." She gets, and he say's "are you sure you want to kill yourself?" She say's "my mind is made up, I am done dealing with life. Had enough." Trucker say's " well, how about a blowjob before you jump?" She agrees, and gives him the best blowjob he's ever had. She's about to get out when the trucker asks "why are you going to kill yourself?" The girl answers " I can't take it. My parents hate it when I dress up like a girl."

Too funny and fits right in with another recent thread on here :haha:

 

[KarlVP]

What do you do if you get swallowed by an elephant?

Run round and around till you get all pooped out

Guy walks up to girl says I got a joke about my penis but its really long. Girl says I got a joke about my vagina but you will never get it

Listening to the mens room today were we? :redneck:

 

[rokripn]

How Do U Know Your At A Gay Bbq?





Hot Dogs Taste Like ****

 

[Poohbair]

Too funny and fits right in with another recent thread on here :haha:

Haaaaaaha
:haha:

 

[Jeepasaurusrex]

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?











She gagged.

:redneck:

 

[Mallcrawler83]

Too funny and fits right in with another recent thread on here :haha:

What thread?

 

[messix]

how is Pokey and a blood test alike?








just a small prick........

 

[messix]

how did poohbeir get circumcised?

his daddy kicked his sister in the chin......

 

[LiftedZuki]

Heard a good one on zombies tonight.

"how did you get that?"
"get what"
"that **** in your mouth"

Did the joke on a friend earlier lol