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Broken Again

Broken Again

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For the most part I anonymous here so I feel that I can ask for opinions/ advice about something that came up yesterday.

Yesterday I posted about some websites that hold personal info on the web. One of them showed my exwife form a divorce in 26 years ago, so stupid me does a google search on her.
On a genealogy site that came up it showes her and her parents, her new hubby.....then it showes me.....then it showes a child by her with my last name.
She took her maiden name after the divorce.

I never knew anything about her being preg, or anything about a son, there was not mention of it in our divorce and no child support demants or anything like that.

I found her work e-mail and sent a simple letter asking if it was her and wishing her happiness...I did not bring up anything else, no responce yet.

What would you do?
 
I removed dip****s response :looser:

If it was me I would like to know. But that brings up other issues mainly with how you would have to mentaly deal with it. If its true was he raised with the truth and so on and so on....

Not an easy path.

And if anybody can have an intelegnt conversation can simply not repsond to this thread.
 
Thats a tough one. I wouldn't be too happy that I was never told about the child etc for sure. I'd want to meet the kid too.
 
As Mike said. Not an easy path or decision... Wish the best for you in this.

As far as what I would do. I would have done the same in contacting her. If she does respond she if she will bring the subject up... If not and you desire relations or contact with the child you might have to get the courts involved to do blood tests...

Just my .02 and hope all works out for the best..

Good luck brother.
 
Just ask. "Do I have a kid?" If she says no, move on. If she says yes, well then you have your plate full. Good luck
 
The fact that she gave the kid your last name and never told you is ****ed the hell up. It doesn't even make sense. What does she tell the kid for chrissake???
 
She e-mailed me back....

So I asked in a very polite way.

There are so many ifs....
If he is my son?
If he is not?
If it would harm him to contact him?

I have no idea what she told him...Maybe I'm dead, or some sort of dead beat.
 
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How old is the son?

His maturity level may influence how she replies. Especially if he's young, and she wants to keep him protected.

Remember her years of silence speak volumes.

And just because she says "no" doesn't mean "no". You may have to get a court order for DNA testing to validate the truth. And then you are forced into deciding if you want to force your parental rights upon the son.

You've got some tough decisions ahead of you. Let's hope she simply says "yes".
 
Maybe she is trying to hide who the dad is and she just told her new hubby that it was yours?
 
We parted ways in 1985.

There was bitterness on both sides, but that is so far in the past that it shouldn't have any infulence today....

If..
He is mine he would be about 26.

Not sure what to do if she says yes or no...driving me fukin nuts.
 
Broken Again said:
He is mine he would be about 26.

.
Click to expand...

You can bypass the Ex, and go ask the kid himself. I'm sure he'll have a facebook page, or email account that you can find.

But before you do, you owe it to yourself to wait for mom to answer. Even if that takes a few days.

She's probably been worried about this day for decades. Knowing that some day, you might come back into her (and son's) life.
 
TreeClimber said:
You can bypass the Ex, and go ask the kid himself. I'm sure he'll have a facebook page, or email account that you can find.

But before you do, you owe it to yourself to wait for mom to answer. Even if that takes a few days.

She's probably been worried about this day for decades. Knowing that some day, you might come back into her (and son's) life.
Click to expand...

Good points...thanks.
I don't facebook, but I could.

I have not excluded that the geneology website could be wrong. Could be that there is no kid.
Right now I'm kind of in a holding pattern.
 
Wow....:yikes:
I sure hope everything goes as smoothly as it possibly could....tough deal for sure....Hang in there, the truth will prevail...:awesomework:
 
Thru a little internet search I found a wedding pic for her and her hubby from 02, by her side is a kid about 16 or 17 years old, but it's a very crappy photo and I cannot see much facial features...but the age is about right...


This is nuts......my hands are shaking....
 
Wow!...One thing to keep in mind is the child is an adult. When you were 25 how reliant were you on your Dad/ parents? May matter, I don't know.......
At the risk of telling too much about myself on the web:rolleyes: true story.......
I grew up not knowing who my dad was and never met him to this day. Never really thought too much about it. A few years back through a chain of events I found out who and where he was. Thought about it for a bit and came to the realization that I'm fourtysomthin years old and I don't need a dady. If I did meet the guy it would just be another stranger...Big deal.
Point I guess is you have to at least think about your possible kids side and what they may think too. FWIW
Good luck!
 
wholy crap ....and I thought my day was rough !!!!
I bet you're crawlin in your skin mister ........ I'd be calling her , I couldn't stand the suspense on something like that , could turn out to be a real great day in the end
 
Binder said:
Thought about it for a bit and came to the realization that I'm fourtysomthin years old and I don't need a dady. If I did meet the guy it would just be another stranger...Big deal.
Click to expand...
Aren't you curious if he's blacker than you? :D
 
crash said:
And if anybody can have an intelegnt conversation can simply not repsond to this thread.
Click to expand...

I think this statement above is worded wrong.....

summarized, it says "if someone can have an intelligent conversation, don't respond"
 
All you can do is try and leave it up to him... Just dont take it personal if he doesnt get all chipper over it... Like you said, you never know what kinda lies she fed him.... A woman i planned on moving to Alaska with till I seen her true colors recently, took her daughter from her daddy at 3yrs old and has been hiding her for 7 yrs now.... I couldnt begin to imagine what It would be like to meet your parent after being told bs stories and lies for so long... Oh and the daddy is now prepping legal work to finally see his daughter thanks to me... :awesomework:
 
one of my buddies this last year just found out he had a 27 year old sister! their whole family was super stoked! he was really nervous about meeting her, he and his dad were crying all the time till they finally met in person. now its like they always knew one another. he won't shut the f up about her. :puke: give it all you can....I don't care how i got along with my ex, It would kill me not being in my boys life(s).
 
I was adopted at birth and I say find out. I have found out I have a brothre and sister. I also found out why and it was a good reason. You may have a good ending. thats my 2 cents
 
It is never too late to be a dad. I for one am a father of two little girls, and there is a divine right of passage for a father to be in his childs life (as long as he isnt the unibomber). I say GO BIG OR GO HOME.... thats always been my motto... not the shiniest two pennies but eh they're my two cents.
 

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