Private adoption

The Luke · Jan 20, 2016

I feel a little strange posting this on here. But you never know. The wife and I are looking into private adoption. If anyone knows of someone that is pregnant and is considering not keeping the baby/looking to put it up for adoption, please don't hesitate to shoot me a pm.

I understand it's an odd request. But I figure the more people I have with their ears to the ground the better.

I know that I haven't met a lot of you face to face. So, I understand suggesting a stranger to adopt a child is insane. But, I assure you that my wife and I are incredibly normal/good/Christian people. Hopefully a few friends that I've met on here will comment and vouch for us.

Also, if anyone has had first hand experience in adoption, I'm always open to words of wisdom. I've spoken with my sister and bro in law about it quite a bit(they've adopted two). One was my half sisters kid, other was from Ghana. Outside of that and what Google has told me, I'm running blind.

Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

lowbudgetjunk · Jan 20, 2016

Things you already know but to keep extra close tabs on. Finances, Social Media, cleanliness around the house/yard and know who you spend time with (friends) outside of your family. Adoption is more stringent than any other facet of obtaining something in your life. This is one of the few places I actually agree with the process being a pain and the government jutting into peoples business.

I have an acquaintance that spent years on a list and tried and tried to get a newborn. He eventually went overseas and ended up with 1 year old Chinese twins. If you are patient and with a whole lotta luck, you can find the right situation in this country; otherwise, you will need to spend a lot of money and travel time to find a match outside of the good ol US of A. I am not treating this as a car buying experience, where you are purchasing these kids, but some countries do. They are more interested in what they are getting, than what they are giving up. I love kiddos and I have contemplated adopting a third if my wife decides that she doesn't want to have a third. Good luck and keep us posted. :dblthumb:

The Luke · Jan 20, 2016

I appreciate it a lot. We are pretty clean cut people. Honestly hardline is the most questionable facet of my life. Haha

I'm currently working on a way to start stock piling $ for whichever direction we end up going. If it means I have to work 26 hrs a day in order to have a screaming child in our house, you can bet I'll do it. I agree that it should be difficult, but these adoption agencies are insane. $35k and only $6k of that goes towards birth moms medical expenses. The rest goes towards "helping them find more homes". Meanwhile the secretary is driving a Lexus. Bunch of bs.

j-mox · Jan 20, 2016

Sounds like maybe you need to shop around a little on adoption agencys too.

I'm sure there are some that would be cheaper and still get the same end result. Just like in charitys, some are more about the profits and advertising and not about the actual cause. Lots of the large charity organizations end up donating small amounts on the dollar to what you believe you are donating to.

My ex brother and sister inlaw adopted maybe 15 years ago and I think it was in the $10k range in Louisiana.

Hope it works for you and find what you are looking for. It's a shame how many people just "throw away" and want nothing to do with kids when there are so many familys out there that would give anything to provide them with unconditional love.

The Luke · Jan 20, 2016

Yea we plan on shopping around a bit. Everywhere is completely different.

A private adoption would be ideal for multiple reasons. But we aren't ruling anything out.

rajincajingt · Jan 20, 2016

I have no info to share, I'll keep my eye out, but mainly, but best of luck on saving that little life

BS Metal · Jan 20, 2016

We have a 14 month boy that we adopted from birth. It was a private adoption . Agency adoption is between 30-50 grand. Private is a lot less but Lawyer is a must . If have any questions about private adoption fell free to ask.

wont work · Jan 20, 2016

I don't habe much to add but my aunt did something along these lines and adopted a 7 year old. The child came from a mom that was a hooker and dope head and the child had all kinds of anger. She didn't have any mental problems but always stayed in trouble at school until she finally quite, started dating blacks, turned lesbian, and now has a black kid with her black lesbian partner from a man they didn't know but a few weeks just to get his sperm. Long story short she was a problem from the start and ended up just leaving and haven't talked with her in about 3 years. My aunt did everything she could to help to no avail. I'm not saying all that to discourage you but to give you knowledge on what you may be getting into on some desciosions. My aunt knew the history of the kid and chose to try and help a troubled child.

That is crazy what it cost to adopt but only pennies compared to that to abort a child but that's another thread for another day.

money_pit_yj · Jan 20, 2016

Check out Life Choices and Bethany. Both are Christ centered adoption services. God bless you and your family!

5BrothersFabrication · Jan 21, 2016

I'll vouch for the dude. Him and Rachel are :dblthumb:

in my book.

How about this- you take RJ for a week just to make sure your house is kid proof, and me and Misty will do JohnG's ultimate adventure thing? :driving:

The Luke · Jan 21, 2016

money_pit_yj said:
Check out Life Choices and Bethany. Both are Christ centered adoption services. God bless you and your family!

Will do. Thank you sir!

5bros, you know we're always up for watching him. He's a great kid.

Wont work, my half sister is that exact situation. My sister adopted her daughter when she was about 3mo. So it's a little different. But my half sister has been in and out of jail for the past 30 yrs for every drug you can think of, hookin, ect... We weren't sure how her daughter would turn out.

She is 10 now and the sweetest little girl I've ever met. She's got three younger siblings and is absolutely the mother hen. Haha

I'm sure there are always situations outside of your control. But all you can do is raise them right, cross your fingers and do a whole lot of praying.

I won't lie tho, we would ideally like to adopt a new born. But again, aren't ruling anything out.

BS Metal · Jan 21, 2016

Don't give up on the search but don't stress about it. My wife was getting her hair cut and the birth mothers sister was there . It was July and that has been a hard month for us we lost two boys in july . The sister over her talking about it and told her about her sister that's pregnant. She got our phone number and birth mother contacted us. When he was born I remember in the hospital there was new born girl that was being adopted and we talked to the adoptive mother she said her mother came to her Church to find someone to adopt her child .
Kids with a need for a good home are out there keep searching .

onepieceatatime · Jan 21, 2016

Re:

Very noble of you and hope it turns out for the best. It takes a special kind of person to do such a thing. It's a shame it's so hard to adopt a kid in the states but easier to get one out of country.

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ridered3 · Jan 21, 2016

5BrothersFabrication said:
I'll vouch for the dude. Him and Rachel are in my book.

How about this- you take RJ for a week just to make sure your house is kid proof, and me and Misty will do JohnG's ultimate adventure thing?

Known both of The's for five years so can also vouch for the both of them. Would make great parentals!

The Luke · Mar 8, 2016

Update for those of you that are still following. My wife has a little girl in one of her classes that her parents officially had their rights stripped from them and she is in foster care. She's been in the same foster home for two years now. But now that she is officially up for adoption we are pushing to adopt her. She's coming home with my wife Friday after school and is staying with us until Saturday night as kind of a "trial run".

jayphizzle · Mar 8, 2016

Great news. Hope all goes well.

CHASMAN9 · Mar 8, 2016

Prayers and Patience Big Daddy. :dblthumb:

orv design and fab · Mar 8, 2016

Congrats....after a huge ordeal with a foster to apopt...kinda...we had our home study but not foster license. So we became court appointed home for one of my children...the other we had to fight. The child was old enough to have a (bad record)...it was a bunch of bs, nothing but politics and running each other's backs in the system. But we fought and fought
..half your battle is accomplished tho...termi,ating parental rights is hard to do...we spent 2 years fighting the court system for them to TPR and on a. Random day, the birth parents called me and asked if I wajtednto adopt...I screamed YES, they said they would sign for us to adopt...after 2 years...almost every month in court and fighting foster companies for mistreating my soon to be son...it losses you off for some low life to mistreat your child(in your mind but not legally) and get a fat pay check out of it...but they do and you have to do what's right. Sorry to ramble...it is a huge burden on this country...there is 500,000 children in foster care and the 5 homes out of the 7 i have seen my child in were trash and I wouldn't let them hold my dog. This was while I was fighting for placement

Word from going through this is...

Document everything...get a hard copy of every document you sign.

The court should get you a lawyer, unsure how this is obtained but we had a good relationship with the DSS lawyer and kept open communication...

Stay quiet until necessary(safety of child is threatened) then break down the doors...call lawyer, call your DSS agent, call DA of that court when needed. That's who you need to speak on court days as well. They can tell you how fast this can go and what needs to happen every court date.

You need to know your rights as a home placment. Counseling for your family. As the child grows. And educate yourself and your wife...keep your wife as your confidante. Grow together in this not apart. It is very easy to stress and get irritated,with each other because you handle stress differently, but pull together. Got to every class DSS has ...classes like
Caring for children who have experienced trauma,
Parenting a child with adhd
Behavioral health
Correcting a child
And many others
I can't remember them all and these might be wrong... But they will give you some understanding of what the child has gone through and help them to grow. Many times children who have gone through trauma are delayed in many areas, but don't worry they very well might catch up as time goes on. Pray for your child and show them the hope that they can have in Christ and what a loving thriving home looks like. God bless, if you need anything give me a shout on here, sorry about the ramblings.

bad80cj · Mar 9, 2016

Wow. Thank you for sharing!

groundcontrol · Mar 9, 2016

Hats off to you brother. We are attempting to do the same. Adoption is a long process and you must take the right steps in doing so. God bless you and your wife for what y'all are doing. This is awesome!!!

Sent from under my Jeep.