Private adoption

[y2knole]

good luck and good on you for adopting.

Ive had some close friends go through it and it can be a wringer. keep us posted!

 

[The Luke]

Orv, I appreciate all the info. Luckily the girl has been in the same foster home for about two years. That same time, my wife has had her as a student so she has gotten a chance to know the foster mom pretty well. So luckily, she is in a good home right now. Just waiting for her forever home. You mentioned them being delayed due to trauma which basically hits the nail on the head. Apparently there was some kind of abuse involved which resulted in her being placed in foster care to begin with. But when foster mom got her, she said she barely new what water was, had never been to a restaurant or anything. She also didn't know her alphabet, how to spell her name, nothing. Apparently bio parents never worked with her at all. Luckily my wife has had the chance to do therapy with her twice a week for the last two years. So she is getting caught up and will continue to once she is actually in a stable environment.

I can't wait for Friday. Mainly to see how happy my wife is when that little girl is around.

I appreciate the kind words fellas.

I can't

 

[whiskeymakin]

 

[j-mox]

Good luck and hope it all works out!! Keep us updated and pictures when you can

 

[kushKrawlin]

I hope everything works out for ya Luke.. It litterally makes me sick to think about someone mistreating a child. Im weird about kids and senior citizens.. Always have been .. Anyone mistreats one infront of me, and instantly I turn into a different person/animal... Ya know, with the heart breaking stories of a few of our really good folks on here that lost a child makes me wonder how the hell someone could mistreat their own. I'm guessin God has a special spot for them one day soon. I also believe he has a very special spot high up beside him for folks like y'all. Takes a lot to adopt. My mom was adopted, her and sister.. Ended up with the best parents anyone could ask for.. Keep on keepin on and pray .. As we will be prayin for y'all. Good luck man. Keep us updated

 

[5BrothersFabrication]

Glad to hear this Lukas. Gonna be cool having the 3 of yall on the trail with us.

 

[The Luke]

Yea buddy, I can't wait for those days man.

 

[The Luke]

Just got word from the dcs people that they are going to train is privately at our house once a week/start our home study and fast track everything to make this as smooth/quick as possible. We start next Wednesday.

 

[The Luke]

For those of you who have adopted or anything similar, when did you feel that connection with your kids that you knew you wanted to adopt them and that they were "your" kids?

We've got this little girl at the house right now. And spent all afternoon/evening with her. The wife and I have spent a lot of the night/morning talking and we just aren't sure how to feel. The foster parents are pushing to split her from her older sister for reasons we aren't sure of yet. But, this little girl has spent a lot of time talking about how she loves her sister and misses her and can't wait to see her on Saturday.

I'm just not sure how I feel about splitting them up and to be honest. And I'm really struggling to feel a "parental" connection with her. I know it's early and I plan on still going at this with a positive attitude. But I just can't get myself talked into this being the "right" thing to do. My gut is saying it isn't right. But I don't know if that's normal at this stage or if I should listen to it.

Just looking for some insight from someone who might have been in similar shoes.

 

[5BrothersFabrication]

For those of you who have adopted or anything similar, when did you feel that connection with your kids that you knew you wanted to adopt them and that they were "your" kids?

We've got this little girl at the house right now. And spent all afternoon/evening with her. The wife and I have spent a lot of the night/morning talking and we just aren't sure how to feel. The foster parents are pushing to split her from her older sister for reasons we aren't sure of yet. But, this little girl has spent a lot of time talking about how she loves her sister and misses her and can't wait to see her on Saturday.

I'm just not sure how I feel about splitting them up and to be honest. And I'm really struggling to feel a "parental" connection with her. I know it's early and I plan on still going at this with a positive attitude. But I just can't get myself talked into this being the "right" thing to do. My gut is saying it isn't right. But I don't know if that's normal at this stage or if I should listen to it.

Just looking for some insight from someone who might have been in similar shoes.

How much older is the sister? Maybe big sis is an a-hole that worships Lil Wayne and recently took a pregnancy pact with 10 other girls? Maybe foster parents are looking out for her?

 

[j-mox]

I can't give you any real life experience on this but there may be times when you have to trust your gut instinct on something no matter how bad you want this. If you aren't feeling like this is right, and the little girl isn't either, now would be the time to maybe go a different route. You don't want to dive into this and down the road resent it or have the girl resent you if there isn't a full connection. It isn't like buying something and taking it back.

I think the connection and feelings should be pretty quick if its right. Nervous, maybe, but apprehension, no. There are plenty of kids out there that when you find the right combination it will just click.

 

[The Luke]

Older sister is 15. Little girl is 7 in July. Just dropped her off with her foster mom. It's breaks my heart but I don't think we are going to pursue anything with her. It just wasn't there. It's strange. But my sister has two adopted kiddos and the first time I saw them I knew that I'd love them forever. But, with this kiddo, she is sweet as can be but neither my wife or myself really felt that spark. Not to mention the stuff with her sister that's going on. The foster mom said "oh yea, she's talks about her all the time. But she doesn't know what she's talking about." Meanwhile the sister is sitting right next to us. And the little girl absolutely knows what's going on.

 

[1tonjeep]

We are currently in the process of adopting my wife's 3 rd cousin she is 9weeks old we have had her since she was 6 weeks through temporary custody with dhr long story short though to me she started feeling like our child on day two all the nerves start settling alittle she has brought such joy to our life she is a true blessing I know the situation are alittle different but I hope it helps

 

[The Luke]

It's been almost a week and it still isn't settling right. The foster people got very salesman-y with us whenever we explained to them where we were at on it.

It finally occurred to me one of the reasons they are wanting to split the sisters. It's hard to find a family for two sisters that far apart in age. So if they adopt out the younger and let the older one hang out in a home for a couple more years, then problem solved once she turns 18. Otherwise they are stuck with two girls with special needs for "x" number of years because they don't want to split them up.

 

[The Luke]

Not sure if anybody is following this. Just need to vent mainly. We put the adoption stuff on hold to try again. She got pregnant. 6 week ultrasound everything was perfect. Came back from vacation and went for the 7 week to see the heartbeat and the baby had stopped developing. Went back at 9 weeks and she had started to miscarry. Two days later(now) and she's going on 20 hrs of severe cramps, bleeding and very little sleep. We're both exhausted. This is hell. Just adds insult to injury. You'd think with it being the 4th miscarriage in a yr and a half that it would be easier, emotionally and physically. But it's not. You just find yourself constantly praying for it to be over for her. I just sprint around getting heating pads and on pharmacy runs for pain pills and more pads.


Meanwhile, some family of ours has a set of new born twins. Mom is a druggy. Dad isn't right in the head. They both abandon the kids with Grandma who is wore out from raising two of her other grand children. We've brought up adopting them several times. But with it being family, we haven't pushed too hard. It's a tough situation. When it comes down to it, all we want is to spoil those little rugrats.

For those of you that have been thru this. My hat is off to you. And I hope it brought you and your girl closer, as it has me and Mrs. The.

The rest, I pray that you and your Mrs. never have to experience this. But if you do, you aren't alone.



Sorry for that guys. Just needed to get that off my chest and didn't know where else to go with it.


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[lowbudgetjunk]

Re:

Miscarriage never gets easier. Thoughts and prayers your way. 10 million times worse for her.

 

[tyldyl12]

Re:

I hesitated to respond with that response. But, unfortunately it's true. It's just one of those things our minds aren't set up to understand. I'll be thinking of you guys.

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[The Luke]

Miscarriage never gets easier. Thoughts and prayers your way. 10 million times worse for her.

That's the worse part by far. Seeing her go through this.

It doesn't help that she has tiny veins that roll also. So she knows that not only does she have to go through all this. But, they will have to stick her 117 times at two separate appointments trying to find enough blood to tell her she isn't pregnant and her numbers are back to normal.


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[ranger11]

Re:

It is rough. We had a few. It's definitely very rough on the woman. I know your pain and will pray for you and your wife.

 

[whiskeymakin]

Thinking about you guys.
We are just getting back to "normal" again. Thankfully we were headed to the surgery center to have it taken out when her pain and cramping hit. I can't imagine going days without some big pain killers.
Hope everything gets better...