FREAKING CATS!!!

[grcthird]

Wife has 2 cats, had them before we started dating almost 4 years ago. These little shits are driving me crazy right now!
Got woke up at 3 am thinking somebody was trying to get in the front door, cat was flopping the door mat up against the door making noise, should have just shot it then. Wife gets up this morning and is getting ready, fat ass cat jumps up on the counter and knocks wife's phone in the toilet. Having to vacuum once a day since one is long hair and in full on shed mode, and right before I typed this, fat ass cat jumped up on the bed, claws out, stabbed me in the end of my big toe.

It's just all kinds of comical for wifey, except for the phone part. Am I the only one being driven insane by these little furry shits?

 

[patooyee]

I hate cats. None of the warmth of the dogs, all of the bitchiness of the wife with PMS. People think they own cats but they don't, cats own people.

That being said, the dog my wife had when we met is driving me nuts, too. He barks non-stop INSIDE ONLY. He's as silent as can be when he's outside - mail man, garbage truck, strangers, trespassers - no problem - but you can be damn sure if he is inside the house he is barking constantly. Sometime he just stands in the middle of a room alone staring at the wall barking. If you tell him to STFU he barks more and louder. If you beat him he stops until you leave the room and then starts barking again. I could beat him until I fell dead of exhaustion this way and he would be barking over my dead body.

 

[5BrothersFabrication]

I like other people's cats and dogs. I don't have cats but I have a bloodhound outside that barks NONSTOP at EVERYFUCKINTHING. Neighbor coming home, neighbor leaving, neighbor mowing, neighbor on the porch smoking, mail man, garbage truck, bicycle dicks (regular goddamn tour de france around here), squirrel, cat, kid, raccoon, ****in mosquito. Thought about doing the no-bark surgery, but 1:that'll be when some prick breaks in on us, and 2: whats the point of having a badass coon dog without that snazzy bark? lose-lose I reckon.

 

[85toyo]

I've got one but he's more like a lazy dog stuck in a cats body.

 

[onepieceatatime]

Re:

I live in the burbs and got a red bone and I've had multiple neighbors say they can hear him barking inside my house from inside there house a cross the street. I also have a Boxer that barks at ****ing everything and gets the coon dog to barking. Basically my neighbors know they can't get close to my house without me knowing.

 

[EsPowell]

Fiancé has 2 of them. I usually like them alright but here lately they are pissin me off bad. One has decided he liked the window above the kitchen sink so everyday I have to clean the sink and counter bc of all the damn fur. They other loves gettin in the fireplace, which is a gas one. He then proceeds to knock all the little black rocks into the living room floor. I used to like them but lately they are flirtin with death


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[clemsonjeep]

Leave the pilot light on in the fireplace...just sayin...

 

[jwilson645]

Buwahahahahaha................... I have the same issues with my damn dogs. Got 2 in the house. 1 is a Shih-zu/dashund mix and the other is Jack Russell & heinz 57 mix. The damn JR sheds like a mo-fo. Way more than the long haired one. Apparently they sleep all day then go ape **** when we get home. Fighting until bed time. Then any time I get up to piss they have to go out. Every little noise wakes them up and they scratch at the door. Little bastards......................

 

[John Galbreath Jr.]

No on cats. No on barking dogs. We had a dog once that barked continously, like 24-7. Tried everything, nothing worked. Asked the vet to remove vocal chords. He said no. We boarded the dog at the vet. Vets office called four days later and asked when we were going to pick up the dog. I told them when they agreed to take out his vocal chords. He made the appointment that day and took them out. Dog still barked like a son of a bitch, but nothing came out. Kept the dog a couple more years and out of the blue snapped at someone inside my house. Well, let's say the dog did not come home from that trip.

 

[RustyC]

My wife brought two cats into our marriage. Luckily one has died but the other one is hanging in there. No matter what plan or idea I came up with she would not put them outside.
My current plan is to get it so fat it can't jump and hopefully have a cardiac arrest soon.

 

[kushKrawlin]

I cant stand a cat or a dog. I have 2 kids, The last thing I need is to clean up ****, or garbage they have destroyed And got all over the dam yard. Have a couple people in the neighborhood that apparently do not give a **** about their cats and let em run free. It makes my blood boil.. Well, i figured out a way to make them go awAy, seems to be working, that have not come back. Just have to be really careful and do it late at night!(and not tell a single person) Hahah. :****:

 

[grcthird]

John G, had me laughing my ass off in the office! Had to everybody the story, they laughed too.

Got up this morning to damn fuzz everywhere, bout to carry this cat and get her shaved. :****:

I used to have 3 dogs, only got one left, he is smart, protective and quiet, GREAT dog. Ex wife had a stupid ass catahoula, barked all the damn time, though it was dinner time whenever I pulled in the drive way and barked until his food was put in front of him, had tunnel vision and ran into every thing bouncing around like a damn idiot. I did manage to off one of her cats,curious fuzzball got in the garage when I turned my back to let the dogs in there one christmas eve before we went to a party.

 

[mckeddie]

I've got a cat I love and 3 dogs I hate. I had to take my big one w me to rush to watch the srrs. Can't get anyone to let the bastards out bc he won't let anyone in my damn house to let him outside. Screwed up my whole weekend. I was shocked at how good he did down there riding around on my passenger seat.

All you gotta do with the cat is give it it a big bowl of food and water and leave. So much easier.

 

[patooyee]

Another thing about cats ... the fact that they **** and PISS INSIDE your house! I don't like cleaning my dogs' **** up when they **** on neighbors lawns. WTF would I, being of sound mind, INTENTIONALLY, or even PAY FOR, an animal that did its business IN MY HOME as SOP??? Litter boxes stink and the way you have to clean them up is ****ing gross. Why does anyone want to dig around using a plastic shovel through sand looking for surprise ****-bricks that are buried? **** that.

 

[5BrothersFabrication]

My old long haired black lab/retriever dawg Troubles (best dawg EVER) was going downhill and my wife suggested we get an indoor dog. I said ok, if I could pick the breed. Bloodhounds are notorious for ALWAYS wanting to go outside, so I chose that. About a month after we got the little **** and piss wherever I want dog, we got her trained to ring a bell on the front door to let us know when she wanted out. About a week of 1, 3, and 5am wake-ups (I'm used to sleeping through artillery and .50 machine guns, so I'm zzzzz) and my wife put her out to stay.

Well played, me. Well played.

 

[GONOVRIT]

I had a cat problem until I got my dogs. Had feral cats pissing on everything outside my place. Friend of mine has a bark collar on one of his dogs. Another one of his dogs has it figured out and it will go up in its face, bark and run off. It's hilarious.

 

[easleycrawler]

You could always leave some antifreeze out where they could drink up.

 

[easleycrawler]

Friend of mine has a bark collar on one of his dogs. Another one of his dogs has it figured out and it will go up in its face, bark and run off. It's hilarious.

 

[trailcarnage]

Re:

Hilarious! My wife insisted on getting a cat after our Aussie passed.

"Sure Honey if I get to pick it out."

Off to the Humane Society we go. After poking and shaking every cat in the place, I came across a 18lb fatty that wouldn't move and was too slow to bite me. Even better, he was declawed. Perfect!

Apparently, he had been adopted and returned twice. Sounds like my type of animal. This should break the wife from ever wanting another cat.

Jump forward 1 year. Who would have guessed but I picked the perfect pet??? He was totally cool, never shed and was totally fun to box with.

2 months later the fat bastard died from diabetes. wtf?

 

[CHASMAN9]

Buy a badger.