muddinmetal said:One question...
Did bitch keep her "Crip" Hand Strong?
wingsnhammers said:I can't honestly say. I made peace with the fact that it was there. I didn't say that I played with the damn thing and she never offered to touch me with it! I think we were both better off with that arrangement.
uke: 
InDaShop said:so it didnt take that fisting thing you're into to the next level?
uke: I don't even like it when I'm trying to watch decent, free porn and the fawkin side banner comes up with that **** on it. And just to be clear, I don't watch queer ****, :afro: ****, animal side show ****, etc. Basically, If it aint caucasian american girl/girl or guy/girl done by brazzers or some other classy publication, I aint watchin! 
wingsnhammers said:Hell Naw! I aint into that **** at all.
.
more please.
5BrothersFabrication said:
wingsnhammers said:Some of my friends call me Cripple X....
I was attending Auburn at the time, fall of 08. I'm pretty sure I had a drinking problem. I would drink a case of Bud heavy 3 nights a week and a liter of Jim on Saturday night. Anyway, so me and some of the girls in my apartment building are going to Liqour Treat. This is some kind of a deal where a few hundred people show up to a neighborhood and jump from house to house every 30 minutes. Each house is decorated differently, and the wimmens are out in force. So my neighbors want to meet up with some friends before we get there. Fine. I'll just tag along and drink my Jim Beam.
They meet up. There are 2 girls and one cow that joins our group. Now, when I say cow, I mean to say that she is a 5'6" blonde, has a fairly slender build, and was dressed in some god awful cowsuit. She also had a very nice pair of lips and a very cute face. I couldn't tell much more than that because of the damn suit and the 5th of Jim I had already downed.
We all get to the first party house and the drankin really starts. I can't remember much of what happened except that I ran out of Jim Beam and started drinking beer. Also, one of Auburn's finest caught me putting an empty beer can into someone's mailbox. He made me take it out.
I wake up the next morning and notice that I have a new name in my phone. Tess. Had no clue how she got in there, but there she was. She actually called about mid day and was even thoughtful enough to tell me that she was the blonde in the cowsuit. Sweet! I end up inviting her to some on campus tailgating shenanigan the next week. She declines, says she has other plans but would let me know if her plans changed.
So Friday night rolls around, the tents are set up right by the brand new parking deck on campus, and the drinking begins. The menu for the night is Jager bombs and Hungry Howies pizza. Again, I don't remember much of what happens except one particular moment when I wake up in the tent (nothing in the damn thing except me) and see Tess looking down at me. I was all kinds of hammered, but I still remember seeing those amazing pair of tits dangling in front of me. She said something to me, then left. The next morning we were "evicted" from our camping spot. We, in this case, being me. Everyone else had gone home and I was the sole occupant and the only person to blame for the mountain of 40s (When did we get 40s!?) and all other manner of random **** laying everywhere. There was a campus rule the next week stating that no-one would be allowed to camp or tailgate anywhere near the actual campus buildings...especially the parking deck.
By this time, I've seen her twice and I know that I want to at least see if she is soft in all the right places. She calls me the next week and asks if I have any plans. Yep, party at my place! She's coming around 9.
Friday night rolls around and we got ourselves a party. For once, I'm hanging back. I'm thinking that a whiskey **** will be a bad move on my part. 9 Rolls around and damn girl isnt there. Then Ten. I figure she blew me off so I start drinkin for real. Around one, when people are in the midst of leaving, she just walks in. Fast forwarding 15 minutes, we're in my bed. I'm already flat on my back and half nekked getting head. Damn good head, I might add. She'd done this before and was taking pride in her work.
After 10 minutes or so, she gets up and gives me a good look at those chesticles. I'm guessing 36D. Doesn't really matter, she had the purtiest pink nipples I had ever seen. I play around with her for a while, then proceed to dive in. We both enjoy it. Thirty minutes later, the deed is done, I've blown all over her back, and I'm going to sleep.
I wake up to a hand job. Not necessarily what I would consider a normal handjob. It just felt...different. I look up and notice that I'm getting a good one-handed pump job. No issues what-so-ever. I eventually pop off, and she leaves. No weird "bye" or anything like that. She just got up and started dressing and casually said "I gotta go. Call you later".
The next night is alot like the first, except without the party. She shows up, we hang out a few then go to my bedroom. We **** once, then go hang out some more. I figure that while she is still here and since I've had enough time to construct and eat a sammich, why not go again? We go at it again.
I was giving her hell from behind and a thought came to mind. "I need to flip this girl so I can look at them tits while I'm boning her!" Damn great idea! Without telling her, I pick her up and drop her back down on the bed flat on her back. That's when it hit me. I had never seen this girls left hand. I had just seen SOMETHING like a left hand go flying through the air in front of me, but the wild gyrations kept me from seeing it clearly. I look down at her and instantly notice that she is PISSED. Very pissed. Being that close, I couldn't hide the fact that I was looking at her left hand.
Apparently, she did have a left hand, or at least something that resembled one. It had 5 digits, but was shrunken and misformed. We sat there for a good 5 seconds without shifting gaze or making a move. I was deciding whether or not this misformed hand was an impediment to me getting my nut. Ultimately, I reasoned with myself that the left hand (or lack there-of) had nothing to do with ***** quality or function and started thrusting again. After we finish, her cell phone interrupts the awkward silence and she informs me that it is her boyfriend and that she has to go.
That was the last time I saw her. Looking back on it, I kinda wish she would have stuck around for a little while.
I included a whole bunch of **** that had no relevance to the actual subject. I just thought it made a better story. Nowhere near as bad as some of the other stories on here. I aint tongue ****ed a boil or gone balls deep in a Heffers ass. Hell, I even called this girl back and tried to hook up more.
:****:
Visited this thread from the storytime thread. I laughed till my stomach hurt on this one. Ol dude bustin in, naked, too early had me cryin!! And then, the superload..........damnbradzuki said:
Me & Justin were buds since we were like 7. Grew up right next to each other and always hung out. We were out cruising one night and ran into a couple of chicks. One of the girls I had banged several times and knew it was a for sure thing if we picked her up. The only thing stopping this from happening was the cow in the driver's seat. Jenn introduced her rather large and ugly friend as a family friend from out of town which means we are stuck with this bitch all night. We are in Justin's truck and they are in a car so naturally what's gonna happen? Yup, they pile in a reg cab s10 with me and Justin.
So Justin is driving a 5spd with Cowzilla riding bitch and me in the pass seat with Jenn in my lap. We head to the drive thru and get a 12 pack of beer and then proceed to get out of the city limits and cruise back roads drinking. We ride all over Warren County with all of us packed in that damn truck. Ran out of beer because we found out ol big un is a drinker too so we stop and pick up another 12 pack.
Seems like hours pass by and ain't **** going down but we're going broke buying beer. Justin's getting way too drunk to be driving us around any more so we head back to drop the chicks off. Get back to the grocery store parking lot where we met them and we all pour out of the truck. We say our good bye's and as we're getting back in the truck I hollered and asked Jenn if she needed some smokes cuz we're heading over to the store to get one last 12 pack before heading home. She yells back that she does indeed need cigarettes and asks if she can ride over to the store with us while Large Marge waits in the car. "Sure" I call out with an evil grin on my face. I duck inside the cab and tell Justin that we are fixin to bang this chick to which he replies "yeah, right". Jenn comes over and hops in between me and Justin and we start to drive off. We pull up to the gas station and Justin runs in to get the beer and smokes while I sit in the truck and talk **** to Jenn about dumping her friend and going with us so we can **** the hell out of her. About 0.3 seconds later she agrees. Fresh 12 pack and smokes arrive and we start to pull out to head back over to Hott Mess when I inform the driver that we have changed plans. I tell Justin that Jenn has agreed to do a 3 way with us and he starts flipping out saying that he was gonna **** her friend so that I could get it on with Jenn and how appreciative he is that that didn't have to happen. Jenn's all like "aww you would do that for your friend?" and **** and starts talking about this is the first 3 way she's ever done and blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile she's the one that just dumped her family friend in a parking lot in a strange town to go have a 3 way.
Hitting the back roads once again, we start planning on how this is gonna go down. I had just moved back home for winter break, Justin still lived at home, and Jenn lived with her grandma. We didn't have enough money for a hotel room and it was too damn cold to be outside in the bed of the truck. We cruise around talking about where to go when Justin starts talking about an old farm house that his grandpa owns. His family owned lots of nursery and farms around the area and he said one of them had an old farm house on it that no one was living in. We immediately head towards it on the other side of the county. As we're driving over we finish off the last of the cold beers and Jenn's all hugged up on me and ****. We finally get to the farm house and Justin pulls right up to the house. It's got lights on and the house is fully furnished. I'm all freaking out that we're pulling up on some old farmer's **** and he's gonna come out blasting us but Justin assures me that no one is living in the house. We get out and walk around on the porch, looking in the windows, checking the doors----all locked. DAMN! Justin stumbles around and says he's got a key that fits the door on the other side. Tells us to stay put and he'll go around and unlock the door. Just then a BGMT with loud pipes is driving by and kinda slows down at the end of the driveway. Couple of seconds later the back porch light comes on and the door flies open and Justin is standing there shirtless. Not really shirtless, he had a shirt, it just wan't on, instead it was wrapped around his now bleeding hand. We all go in and check the place out. It's pretty creepy with the flower wall paper and old, dim lights. Looks like something straight out of a horror flick. I ask Justin about his hand and he confesses that he had no key but instead broke out a window to unlock the door and had scratched it pretty good. Jenn takes off to find a bathroom and me and Justin hang out in the living room. We start talking about how this is gonna go down and since this is a chick I liked to have hanging around every once in a while I told him I'd take her into a room and get working on her. He could wait about 10 mins or so in the living room and then ease back to where we are and make a casual entrance, lights will be off, and just walk up and get into the mix. No problem. We agree.
Jenn comes back from the shitter and we are talking and checking out the place. I'm giving her the eye and tell her we should go check out some of the rooms. I take her hand and lead her back to one of the bedrooms where we go inside and start kissing. She shuts the door and turns off the light. She comes back over to me and starts rubbing and kissing on me when all of a sudden....BAM!!!......the ****ing bedroom door swings open fast enough to rip the hinges out of the damn wall! There, in an awkward silhouette standing in the doorway, is Justin. Butt Nekkid only 13 seconds into our 10 minute plan. So this is ****ing awkward man, and I mean awkward. Me and Jenn are both completely clothed and standing there staring at Justin's cock and balls. I didn't know what to do so i just grabbed her and started kissing and rubbing on her again. We got hands going everywhere and Justin strolls over and kinda gets behind her and starts rubbing his sausage on her leg and trying to get her shirt off. She goes down and starts blowing me and pulling my pants off while Justin is basically peeling her like a banana to get her clothes off. She gets naked and starts doing the usual skiing down a mountain slope simul-stroke on us and trading blows back and forth. She lays back and Justin says he's going first so I continue to get my knob polished . Justin throws her legs up and slides in when he immediately changes his facial expression from one of pleasure to one of shock. He strokes his meat about 3 times and then bounces back into a kind of fetal position and starts convulsing up against the wall. I'm like "What the ****?!?" and pull my cock out of Jenn's mouth and reach over to flip the light switch. There, in a cocoon of jizz, is Justin. He's got the **** all over him, hair, face, arms, chest, ****ing everywhere. It's like he was in one of those fake porns with an alien or some **** that cums buckets. I dunno, dude musta been holding this one for a while. So now this is even more ****ed up and awkward than it was 3 minutes ago because that's about how much time has passed since Goo Storm here in the floor showed up naked as a jaybird. I tell Justin to get the **** up off the floor and get the hell out. Jenn is a trooper and not to let all this go to waste, she grabs her shirt and de-splooges herself and pulls me back over.
I get to flogging on her finally and we get into the groove again. Everything is quiet and we're having a good time for about 45 mins. I hear some stomping going on outside the bedroom door as I'm wearing this chick out. I'm not paying any attention at all as I'm concentrating on the task at hand. It's King Splooge out there bumbling around trying to get nut out of his hair is what I'm thinking. To my surprise, for the second time of the night, the bedroom door flies open....BAM!!......but this time the silhouette is much different. It is one of Warren Co.s finest officer's of the law with his gun drawn. I'm guessing you don't have to imagine the horror of standing butt ass naked about 4 ft away from a cop with a gun. It was pretty frightening I'll say. So Jenn hops up and cover's herself and I'm standing there getting yelled at with a gun to my head. I'm trying to tell the officer who I am and he's yelling at me about kidnapping and breaking and entering and screaming to get down. I just want to put my drawers on but he yanks me to the ground and cuffs me. Jenn is screaming that she's ok and that we had permission to be here and is yelling for Justin. Justin never shows up. He pulls me up and sits me on the bed and I'm still just wanting anything to cover up with. More cops show up and they search the house where they find Justin in an upstairs bedroom passed out still butt naked. So they pull all of us in the living room and try to sort the night out. They said they had gotten a call from a girl who's friend went to the store to get smokes and never returned. Then they got another call from Justin's grandpa saying that his nephew had driven by the house and saw a vehicle sitting there that shouldn't be there and when he went to investigate found a broken window.
Justin's grandpa shows up and comes in and says he knows us and for the cops to let us go. We have to sit there and tell the whole story of what we had been doing all night to his grandfather who is a pretty big guy in the county owning a shitload of land, businesses, and serving the church and community. He agrees to not press charges as long as we fix the window and attend church with him for the next few Sundays.
Man this took way longer than I expected so I won't go into us taking Jenn back to her family and dropping her off but that was even more drama if you can imagine.
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