What makes you a "Horrible" dad???

[grcthird]

I heard several of those growing up. My old man was and still is pretty strict with me, even though I'm 33 I just ignore it now as much as I can, but I work with him so it's from a boss standpoint now. The rules were clear when I was a kid, you **** up or disrespect somebody you got an ass whipping AND LEARNED NOT TO DO IT AGAIN!!! These kids today just get told no repeatedly, I see it in my friends with their kids. That doesn't work.

I've never been arrested, never done drugs (including Marijuana), had only drank 2-3 time before I turned 21. I have had at least one job since I was old enough to push a damn lawnmower. And wouldn't ask my parents for a damn thing unless it was life threatening. And although my first marriage didn't work out, I did try everything in my power to not let it get the point of divorce. I don't claim to be perfect but I think when my time comes to be a daddy I'll not be listening to these so called "experts" and raising my kids to be respectible individuals who are hardworking productive members of society. But if they turn out to be hellians, I'm blaming it on the education system. Cough cheapj7 cough

I have since learned of outside factors that played a role in how I was raised, and were a part of sometimes not understanding where my parents were coming from as a kid. As a kid I didn't understand the day to day trials my parents had to put up with that affected their temperment.

 

[BustedKnucklefilms]

I agree with JRich.

My parents were never strict on me. Curfew is 11, call if you are going to be late. They always pointed out bad examples. See your classmate ____ got a girl pregnant at age 17 and now his life is over. See ______ is a highschool dropout and now lives in a trailer. I worked construction picking up job sites since I was old enough to walk. There was no question whether or not I was going to go to school and college, because I did not want to do that the rest of my life. I new the value of a dollar. I had my own business when I was 15 cutting grass, I put myself through college cutting grass. My parents tried to set good examples for me and then let me make my own decisions. They would always be there when I made the wrong one,. WTF is an allowance? I had chores to do just to do them. I didnt get money for them. I did them because that was my part as part of the family. The biggest thing was that I earned their trust so they had no reason to be strict. They gave me my first drink when I was around 15. Yeah, I was a bit wild in highschool, experimented with pot, drinking, like all kids my age did, but i never got a DUI or overdosed or got a girl pregnant or got arrested. The biggest thing a kid needs to understand is that they need to surround themselves with good people. Because you are who you hang out with. They say kids get their accent and dialect from the people they grow up with.

In conclusion:
Set Good examples.
Your Trust is theirs to lose.
Let them make their own decisions
Being dissapointed ALWAYS trumps being mad.

 

[B Gillespie]

No kids here (that I know of), but a few things I've picked up along the way.

1. Education. Don't blindly throw your kid into public school and let them fend for themselves with respect to achievement, SAT/ACT, college etc. I never realized how important education is until I went to grad school, AND the potential I had all along. If my parents would have stepped out of their rural mentality and encouraged/assisted/helped me with school & test prep, my education would be much different. Every kid needs to begin hard core SAT/ACT test prep classes and studying HS freshman yr. Period. They might hate you because all of their friends are getting drunk at the lake, but they'll thank you when they get an Ivy League full ride.

2. Travel. Take your kid(s) places and let them experience other cultures. If you can swing it, definitely include Europe, Asia, S. America. So drastically different than 'Merica, but they're not doing it "wrong" per se.

3. Make it to all the functions that are important to your kid. Not saying PTA meetings, because that's pointless, more like sporting events, band concerts, competitions, etc. My dad traveled 10+ months/yr. for his job and it made our relationship very rough. Looking back, he was just doing what had to be done to get my mom out of the **** hole town we're from and have a retirement, but it created years of tension; I don't fault him for it now, but it certainly seemed like a cop out at the time.

 

[blacksheep10]

3. Make it to all the functions that are important to your kid. Not saying PTA meetings, because that's pointless, more like sporting events, band concerts, competitions, etc. My dad traveled 10+ months/yr. for his job and it made our relationship very rough. Looking back, he was just doing what had to be done to get my mom out of the **** hole town we're from and have a retirement, but it created years of tension; I don't fault him for it now, but it certainly seemed like a cop out at the time.

Dad almost never ever made it to any of my stuff, but he was a dairy farmer from 5 am to 8 pm with row crop in the middle. I understood, even though we resent the **** out of each other every day. He did make me a hard worker that is driven that also knows what respect is. I hope to make the same of mine.

 

[doctordick]

Amazing how much smarter the old man gets the older you get. :indianajones:

 

[CHASMAN9]

My dad was all about hard love. My brother and I hated him at times and as a result we were a bit closer to mom. I look back now though and realize how difficult it was for him to discipline us when we were screaming how much we hated him. He did the RIGHT THING, not the EASY THING. Mom tells us stories now about how he would cry behind closed doors at having to spank us, or because his feelings were hurt so bad at the things we would scream at him when we were mad about being disciplined. We never saw that **** though. I look back now and think what a brave man he was, how he took our **** and kept plugging away at work to provide for us. I can tell you right now, I will never be the father he was. I just hope I can be half of what he was and it is because of the things that we hated back then that I think that now.

We're expecting our first daughter in Sept.

J. J.
[/quote]


J.J., is your father still alive? ( I hope so) For all of you that still have him around, consider yourself LUCKY. My dad was also the ENFORCER and I was always pissed off at him for his tough love. I lost him when I was 20 years old and in college. I never realized how much he did for me until he was gone. His stubborn ways were my best teacher. Being one of four boys growing up, I took alot of ass whoopings and thought he was the anti christ, but in reality he got me where I am today, a better man. Later in life I saw his thought process of involving all of us in sports, it got myself and all of my brothers scholarships to college, all the while knowing the expense if he was to pay for all of us to get an education. IT WORKED...
Bottom line is this; When you think you or your child is doing wrong, take a step back and look at the BIG PICTURE and re-evaluate what is really important. Love your kids like there is no more tommorrow and remember that you were once a kid and did the same ****.

Congrats on your new addition coming in Sept.

 

[InDaShop]

Dad's as a roll model or even to keep you on course. I'm lucky to have turned out half ass decent at all. My biological contributor was a POS, beat my mom, etc... My mom raised my sister and I, and remarried to the guy I call my dad. I love my dad, but he was never around when I was growing up. He was always on the road doing powerplant turbine overhauls all over the country. Then moved to Houston from Paola when I was a freshman in highschool. My parents seperated in '91, but are still married today but dont see of speak to each other and live 750 miles apart. But through it all both did the best they could to keep their emotion and fight hidden from my sister and I. He worked his ass off for us, I owe that and much more to him. Part of why I think I turned out ok, was the responsibility of farm. **** had to get done or animals died. And if anyone wants to know why I went to college, thank god I had the means, was strictly because I'd already felt like I'd worked my ass off, and didnt want to do that type of work the rest of my life. I've built more miles of fence than I care to ever count in Kansas and in Texas.

So maybe the serious question for myself is do I think I can be a good rolemodel father for my son when I dont have the "Mike Brady" type father figure to pull references from???

This world is so full of **** ups and its getting harder and harder every day to find a job, keep a job, get into college, pay for college, earn a living, etc. As any real father knows you want to set your kid up with the best set of tools, and circumstances to succeed no matter if its go-kart racing or life.

 

[patooyee]

J.J., is your father still alive?

Yes. I tell him all the time how thankful I am for his tough love. He is my roll model and I am trying to learn as much as possible from him before he leaves to make up for all the years that I was too ignorant to do so.

J. J.

 

[kid rok]

Who really cares what the experts say. In reallity your not going to know if you did well in rearing your child untill their to old to do anything about it. All you can do is bring them up the way you think is best, and more than likely if your part of their life enough they'll be like their mom or dad.

Quick story... I was eating at a resturant that also had an arcade in it for the kids. My daughter was about three and as I'm standing in the arcade all these kids were running around , behind the machines, and bumping in to you as your trying to play a game. No parents around anywhere. So I yelled "HEY IF ANY OF YOU KIDS BUMP INTO MY DAUGHTER I"M GOING TO TAKE YOU OUT" About a minute later we had all the games to ourselves. It was great. To my daugter I was great dad that night.

 

[BamaTJ]

I think the most important thing you can do is care about your kids, be very involved in their lives and protect them From the ****ed up people in this world. Your time is valuable, spend it with your kids and give them memories to last a lifetime. The world is very different from when we were kids, don't underestimate sick people. My wife told me about the 8 yr old in Brooklyn who begged his parents to let him Walk home from summer camp. They walked the route and his mom was waiting on him when he did it on his own. He got lost and asked a stranger for help. They found him a few days later in the guys freezer. **** like that makes me think about how precious life is and how we can take our kids for granted.

 

[grcthird]

The world is very different from when we were kids, don't underestimate sick people.

My girlfriend is a nurse a children's hospital and tells me HORROR stories about what happens to kids/babies these days, I don't know how she does it. Most of what she sees is physical abuse. Matt O brings up a very good point here. I was taught early on what to look for, and it still comes into play today. This is an entirely different subject though.

 

[BamaTJ]

My girlfriend is a nurse a children's hospital and tells me HORROR stories about what happens to kids/babies these days, I don't know how she does it. Most of what she sees is physical abuse. Matt O brings up a very good point here. I was taught early on what to look for, and it still comes into play today. This is an entirely different subject though.

Yeah not really on point, but it was on my mind and makes me sick thinking about the things people do to kids. That poor kid asked the wrong person for directions, he could have asked another person and still be alive. I think in today's fast paced life it is easy to be selfish with your time, one thing I have learned is to set aside time for your kids and don't be afraid to act silly and do stupid **** with them.

 

[InDaShop]

yep not only does losing a kid to something like that sickening, I'm scared about what I'll do myself after the fact.
Will I kill the SOB myself Jack Ruby style??? Or will I go visit the jail and find out who the baddest mofo in there is, and deposit an undisclosed amount in his bank account to end the SOB behind bars.

Off that subject, but do you guys read or see these news stories about what sick **** has been done to kids and just cringe andf ask "how could you?" I dont think I ever paid attention or it never affected me before having kids. But now, my stomach turns on some ****. Like the dude who put his kid in the microwave, or the mom who let her ex-con BF have his way with the lil girl until he killed her? **** like that. They always say the child molesters get it in jail/prison. But do they? Do they get "justice served" by other inmates? I'd like to think so.

 

[BamaTJ]

It has always made my stomach turn, but now it really hits home. Now that you know how much goes into raising and kid and being a good parent, it really hurts when you think it could all be ended by some sick ****. Like the kid in New York. He lived in a Jewish neighborhood, his parents were not bad parents by any means. They walked the route with him and his mom was waiting for him. A person in his own community, just down the street, killed him and dis-membered his body. A lot of times the parents are too blame, like Casey Anthony, etc. Parents that shouldn't be parents and treat their kids like **** or put them in harms way are just asking for it. If something like that happened to one of my kids, I would straight up murder someone. Most jury's in this country wouldn't convict you or at least let you off without much jail time.

 

[1TONZR2]

yep not only does losing a kid to something like that sickening, I'm scared about what I'll do myself after the fact.
Will I kill the SOB myself Jack Ruby style??? Or will I go visit the jail and find out who the baddest mofo in there is, and deposit an undisclosed amount in his bank account to end the SOB behind bars.

Off that subject, but do you guys read or see these news stories about what sick **** has been done to kids and just cringe andf ask "how could you?" I dont think I ever paid attention or it never affected me before having kids. But now, my stomach turns on some ****. Like the dude who put his kid in the microwave, or the mom who let her ex-con BF have his way with the lil girl until he killed her? **** like that. They always say the child molesters get it in jail/prison. But do they? Do they get "justice served" by other inmates? I'd like to think so.

your are right Wyatt, I dunno what I would....but it would probably more like Dexter style. I also didnt really read into the news much before having a kid, I definitely look at the world totally different now.