Pretty closely sums up my views/opinions as well. I grew up in church, southern baptist, active youth, etc. I quit going when I moved out on my own at 22. Probably would have quit going earlier than that if it weren't for mom waking me up every Sunday morning at 8-9am after I had been out partying all night and only had about 4-5 hrs of sleep at that time. Lots of times I sat in church on the end, trying to breathe away from my dad so he wouldn't smell the alcohol still on my breath....shitty, I know. Fun Saturday nights were my priority back then.
I question everything much more in depth the older I get. I still, all the time, contemplate religion, its legitimacy, the ins and outs of it all. One question I cannot answer is if there are so many religions all over the world, why is Christianity any different? What makes it the right one? These are hypothetical questions. You can always refer me to various scriptures, but these scriptures are from a book. Many religions have a book, as greatly relied upon as Christianity. There are far more hardcore followers of other religions than there are Christianity. With Christianity, there's a fairy tale answer for everything. "Well it's just God's plan." or but why was he/she taken early from us?? "God had a better plan for them." or one personally heard numerous times basically saying the only reason I survived my motorcycle wreck is because God was watching over me. Why was he still watching over me after I quit going to church basically because I had rather stay out all night and party? Why was it that he was watching over me and not the next person that was killed in an accident or take by way of cancer, especially when they were Christians who seemed to live the life and were still taken early. Those sayings do not make sense to me, I can't stand when people say those things because there isn't any consistency regarding the matter at all.
I've also touched on this before, but there is so much hypocrisy in the churches, especially southern Baptists - you know, those ole backslidden baptists - that even if I was to be a self proclaimed Christian, I'm not sure I'd still attend church. I'd probably choose to have "church" at home in my quiet time if that were the case. I grew up in 2 different churches, nothing really happened in the first one other than the ranks of popularity - snooty members, but the 2nd and last church I was an active member of had numerous negative things go down. And I'm not talking small backwoods church, 2nd if not the biggest church in town. When I was in the youth, our youth minister got caught beating the brakes off the church secretary in his office one day during the week, while his house was literally next door to the church, where his wife and two young kids lived with him. The bigger thing, our long time pastor and pillar of the community got caught laundering money from the offering to pay for **** and build on to his house. Once they found out, they gave him one last time to preach and opted to keep things quiet but he had to go after that last service. It leaked, everyone found out quickly, I attended his last service where he cried at the pulpit as he shouted that GOD HAD A DIFFERENT PLAN for him and his family, and that he was called to preach at some church in Georgia, several hours away now. They started that service by taking up offering, after the choir sang the first half of the service, they took up offering a 2nd time, after his sermon was given along with the benediction prayer, offering plates were passed around a 3rd time. Never had that happened before. I assume that was the pastors vile attempt at paying the church back some for the money he stole.
At this point, I don't rule out the existence of a higher power, but I don't think it is the image of the big man in the sky most like to think of, or are brought up picturing. Jesus Christ, the son of God, was sent to spread the word during his time lived on Earth, then was to die on the cross alongside 2 other men so that we can forever be forgiven of our sins, no matter how great a sin it may be, so long as we place our faith in Him. That sounds great, almost too great. I have zero problem with anyone that believes it to the fullest, I once did before I began questioning things, because that's just what I was brought up to believe. If Christ died a fuzz over 2k years ago and you must believe in Christ and be saved by your faith in Him, what happened to all the humans that died before Christ was born and old enough to spread the Gospel? What happens to the people in the far corners of the world that never hear about Him? There are many other monotheistic religions out there that, with personal bias removed, make just as much sense as Christianity. Why is Christianity any different? Do we really die and go to one of two places - Heaven where all of our wildest dreams come true (meant for humor, not mockery) and all of our deceased relatives are waiting to greet us at the pearly gates, or Hades where one is sent to endure an eternal life full of suffering worse than anything in the Nazi concentration camps or that has ever taken place on Earth.
I'm not discrediting any of it, and I sincerely hope nobody takes offense to anything I've typed, I mean nothing by it, just expressing my opinion, or moreso my unanswered questions.
At this point, I'm probably in most belief of when your person dies, your organism self just ceases to live anymore, you get put in the ground, to return as one with the earth, the end.
